storypaint | I Hate You (Eriol/Meiling) *repost*

Comm: 10hugs, 20loves
Title: I Hate You
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Character/Pairing: Hiiragizawa Eriol/Li Meiling
Set: #2
Theme: #8, invitation
Rating: G
Word Count: 889 words
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to CLAMP. All fanfiction archived here is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.

Excerpt: She was starting to think of Eriol first and Syaoran second, and the latter with less bitterness and more familial affection.

It started when Eriol got the invitation to Sakura and Syaoran's wedding. He saw her there for the first time in almost ten years. She was the last bridesmaid, and the saddest looking one; even Tomoyo managed to look happy holding Sakura's bouquet instead of Sakura's hand. But Meiling had never been good at hiding her feelings.

He danced with her at the reception, and it was a funny sight, because neither wanted to let the other lead. He found it amusing, she exasperating, but he surprised her when he asked her out for coffee afterwards.

The coffee was followed by a movie the next weekend and before long they both cashed in their plane tickets home and rented apartments. It's temporary, she told Syaoran, and whatever Syaoran thought he wisely kept to himself. She didn't know what he told Kaho; there was a distinctively Kaho-shaped hole in their relationship. She was afraid to ask. However strange this was, however much Syaoran disliked it, it was still something new and delicate. She was afraid to drop the glass.

They dated for a few months. It was an awkward thing always--he was aware that he was being compared to Syaoran, and he carefully ignored the fact and acted like himself. And the whole gentlemanly thing he did attracted Meiling, whether she admitted it or not; it was what had attracted her to Syaoran in the first place. She couldn't imagine what he got out of the relationship; she knew she was moody and emotional, quite unlike his implacable disposition. But when he was with her he smiled and laughed and did whatever he could to make her happy. After a few weeks Nakuru and Spinel made their way overseas as well; she got along well with Nakuru, punching her in the arm whenever she got too rambunctious, and Spinel was always pleased to read Chinese magic books she lent to him from home.

They spent so much time together that they resembled a family, and Meiling was starting to like it. She was starting to think of Eriol first and Syaoran second, and the latter with less bitterness and more familial affection. Eventually she realized that she loved Eriol. It wasn't the same love she had for Syaoran, which had always been tinged with a kind of desperation; it was a more mature and romantic love. She could see herself standing by him, all dashing in a tux. She could see them waking up together tangled in each other's limbs, and how wonderful a father he would be.

The night she told him that she loved him he smiled like he wanted to cry and left her apartment early. The next day he told her that he was going back to England and Meiling's fragile heart crumbled again. He walked towards the door but she jumped in front of it.

She was angry and sobbing when she said, "I hate you."

He paused and lifted an eyebrow and the lack of emotion on his face made her angrier. "I hate you!" she yelled again. "I hate the way you look at me, and the way you talk to me. I hate the way you make me feel. I hate the way I watch the door waiting for you. I hate the fact that I don't think..." She grew quiet, but finally finished, "I don't think I can live without you."

She rubbed her arm across her eyes like a child and sagged away from the door. She was surprised to feel his hands as he put his hands at the small of her back and pulled her up into an embrace. She stiffened, still angry, but he brought his hand up and smoothed her hair and spoke in soothing tones.

"Meiling, I bought four tickets back to England, and then I felt that that was probably wrong and I couldn't take you away from everything you've ever known to satisfy my selfish desire to be happy. I have to go back there; I have a teaching commitment for next year and a house I am still paying off, a very lonely house even with Nakuru and Spinelsun in it. But I didn't want to hurt you, Meiling."

She pressed her face into his shoulder and wondered why he smelled so good and why it felt right when he held her, even if she was Li Meiling and didn't have to depend on anyone, not even Syaoran. It might be easier to hate him, she thought. Easier than chasing him to another continent far from my home. But Tomoeda is only home to me right now because he's here.

She wanted to ask him what happened to Kaho, but decided that at that moment it didn't matter. Instead she held him close and cried. When he left two days later she saw him off at the airport with a promise that she would follow soon after; there would have to be a trip to China for her to feel okay about eloping across the country. But how could the clan protest when she was marrying one of the foremost magicians in the world?

"I love you," she told him as he got up to board the plane. This time he smiled genuinely and told her, "I love you, too."