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storypaint) wrote2007-09-10 03:28 pm
What a Waste (Tomoyo/Meiling) *repost*
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15pairings
Words: 991
Title: What a Waste
Pairing: Tomoyo/Meiling primarily; Meiling/Syaoran, Tomoyo/Sakura
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to CLAMP. This fanfic is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.
Rating: PG for sexual references
Excerpt: Meiling came up where Tomoyo was sitting at the reception and said, "What a waste." Her hair was beginning to fall from its elaborately pinned style and she held a glass of alcohol in her hand.
Almost everyone cried at the wedding. Sakura was radiant, Syaoran smiled the whole time, and their utter devotion to each other was obvious. It was a time of joy and new beginnings.
No one knew that the maid of honor and one of the bridesmaids was crying from heartbreak. They fit right in with the weepy crowd.
*
Meiling came up where Tomoyo was sitting at the reception and said, "What a waste." Her hair was beginning to fall from its elaborately pinned style and she held a glass of alcohol in her hand.
"I'm sorry?" Tomoyo said politely. Of all of the bridesmaids, Tomoyo knew Meiling least. When Syaoran had returned for Sakura four years ago, Meiling hadn't followed. She was doing her best to be strong on her own, Syaoran had said quietly. That was all that Tomoyo remembered of Meiling--her desperate dignity. Meiling leaned conspiratorially near Tomoyo and gestured at the bride and groom out on the floor dancing their first dance.
"What a waste of possibilities," Meiling said. Was she drunk? Tomoyo thought so, but she glanced down at the number of paper cups scattered around herself and decided not to call the kettle black. It made it easier for Tomoyo to see them together behind the sheen of alcohol. Probably the same for Meiling.
"I don't know what you mean," Tomoyo said, nonetheless.
"You lost your chance to tell her that you adore her just as much as he does," Meiling said, standing straight again and looking out at the pair. "And I lost my chance to win him back."
Tomoyo was surprised for a moment that Meiling had noticed that her devotion to Sakura wasn't exactly platonic, but why did it matter? Meiling was right. She sighed.
"You wanna ditch this and go somewhere else?" Meiling asked mischievously.
"I can't leave--Sakura would be upset--" Tomoyo said, her first shocked reaction.
"Look at them!" Meiling said, raising her voice above the people clapping at the end of the song. "They aren't going to see anyone else at all tonight."
Meiling was probably right, Tomoyo thought. So impulsively, she nodded, and let Meiling pull her away from her pain.
What a waste...
*
She awoke the next morning with Meiling in her bed. It was a little disconcerting, and Tomoyo was going to say so, but Meiling muttered something in her sleep and pulled Tomoyo closer. It nearly made Tomoyo cry, remembering that when she was young and had sleepovers that Sakura would be the same way, only with clothes on. And it made Tomoyo feel stronger somehow to have someone who understood what she was going through, someone who was going through it with her.
They lived together for a few months, crying during the day and at strange hours of the night, renting horrible romance movies and bawling through them too, and sharing a bed at night, forgetting their true loves in favor of rough breathing and soft fingers, until the sensations were over and they both cried again until they slept. In a strange way, it was healing.
One morning Meiling woke up and stretched and brushed her fingers across Tomoyo's forehead, waking her gently. They both looked up at the ceiling and felt whatever they had together slip away so easily as the heartache slipped away.
"I feel alive again," Meiling said. "Don't you?"
Tomoyo thought about it and delicately felt for the pain that seemed to press down on her breastbone every moment she was awake, the pain of Sakura... and it didn't hurt so much. She felt guilty, like she should carry the hurt with her until she died, like Sakura deserved. And then she realized that it didn't matter if she hurt or not, because her chance was gone. So why not try to go on a little?
"I do," Tomoyo agreed. She rose and shucked her nightgown to get in the shower. When she came out, Meiling was sitting on the edge of the bed, clothed, with a small suitcase beside her. Tomoyo's eyes asked the question. Meiling laughed hoarsely.
"What is there left for us, Tomoyo? When all that brought us together was hurting, and the pain is gone? Do you know me? Do you even like me?"
Tomoyo thought about it and knew Meiling was right, but she also knew and regretted that her bed would be cold tonight, and wondered what she would do in her weak moments. There would be ones in the future, she knew--when Sakura would have children and she would have to be Auntie Tomoyo until she died; when Sakura would insist on setting her up with co-workers and Syaoran's friends and she would have to sit through useless dates. Maybe then, she could call Meiling. Meiling would still understand.
"You are a good friend," she said steadily. She walked with Meiling to the door and was surprised when the Chinese girl sniffled and wiped her eyes.
"What a waste," Meiling mumbled.
"What was a waste?" Tomoyo asked.
Meiling waved her hand around Tomoyo's apartment. "This. What were we doing? I don't know anything about you, except that I don't think you're my type, or mine to have, anyway. We sullied that pure love we had for those two."
"No," Tomoyo said gently, and listened to her heart for a moment. "It would be a waste if we didn't let them go and mourned away the rest of our lives. This wasn't a waste of time, Meiling. This was just one way of healing."
Meiling smiled a little. "Yeah, maybe you're right," she said. She hugged Tomoyo and it was strange to her to know the woman's body but still feel like hugging her was foreign. Then she walked out the door. She waved once, and Tomoyo waved back, and then went inside.
And they went on to their future much as Syaoran and Sakura had done months before.
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