Stars (Tomoyo/Sakura)

[storypaint]

Comm: 20_inkspots (claim dropped)
Words: 400
Title: Stars
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Pairing: Daidouji Tomoyo/Kinomoto Sakura
Author: rhap_chan
Artist: sky_pirate_tat
Theme Set: Dark themes, #16
Rating: G
Warnings/Spoilers: shojo ai
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to CLAMP. All fanfiction archived here is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.

Summary: Tomoyo wished on stars, and they sent her Sakura. Sort of. You can't trust Fate, can you?

I used to wish on stars when I was little, to wish for someone to love. When the stars sent Sakura to me, she was everything I ever wished for, and more. I loved her in the uncompromising way of a child and the ardent way of a lovestruck teenager and the soft, committed way of a long-married housewife, and it is this committed love that has made me feel old these days.

I'm only in my twenties, but I feel old now that she is gone, like my whole life has passed by in the shadow of her smile and now all that remains is the dregs of my present. I feel as though I defy gravity even now to stand upright, to walk through my days like the world is not ending every second, every minute I am not with her, will not be with her.

The stars sent Sakura, and I would never send her back. You can't trust those stars, because they sent her to Syaoran (yes, I can see this, even in my grief). But at least for a while she was mine alone to love.

Now I feel as though I should be standing there next to her, giving her away, instead of Fugitaka, even though I know she is neither his nor mine to give. Her heart belongs only to herself, as much as she has shared it with us. I have asked to Syaoran to take care of her, not just to take care of her, but to make her happy, and he will, so in my heart I have to give her away just like Fugitaka is today.

She looks like she is floating on air. Gravity is a trifling force compared to the way she loves. When Syaoran takes her hand, I know it is everything she ever wished for, and I am proud to be part of this moment, the sealing of their commitment to each other.

For just a second before she turns to face him, she catches my eye and beams, and I have to shut my eyes or be overwhelmed. What little girl does not dream of her own wedding to the one she can love most in the world? What little girl dreams that she would instead watch her love marry someone else?

I am happy for her, but I don't wish on stars anymore.