If the Wings Fit - Writer's Commentary

[storypaint]

Comm: 1fandom
Words: 1173
Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura
Theme Set: 9
Rating: G
Author Notes: Mostly pre-canon, a few during canon, a couple post-canon.
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to CLAMP.
Summary: One can't sum Yue up in fifty sentences, but here are fifty aspects of his life.

To read this fic without commentary go here.

Welcome to the Special Writer's Commentary Edition of If the Wings Fit. This is kind of like watching a movie with the commentary turned on. It details the motivations and little details that went into writing this fic.

First, the inspiration. When I discovered 1fandom, I went through all of the theme sets and thought that I could write a character- or pairing-based fic on each of them. I chose this one for Yue because of the general feel of it; I particularly liked the words crave and wood for Yue's character. These sentences don't really build a story, they rehash canon/pre-canon from Yue's point of view. I don't write Yue much, he's hard to capture, but here's my fifty tries.

01. Crave
I was born craving Clow's love, helpless to his whims; my wings have always been clipped by need.

Clipped wings, aren't I original? Yet, it seemed to fit.

02. None
Cerberus and I were the only ones who ever understood him (and sometimes I think the reason for that was that no one else ever tried).

03. Glue
Yue would never forgive Cerberus for the Glue Incident; his wings were scraggly for months until the new feathers grew in.

04. Wet
There was nothing worse than a set of wet wings and soaked hair; but if Clow wanted to play in the rain, Yue wasn't going to say no.

04 says everything to me about Clow and Yue's relationship. From canon, I've judged the Yue/Clow dynamic to be pretty much one-sided, at least romantically. Yue was a Clow fanatic. He'd do anything for the master. And the master was whimsical enough to play in the rain, don't you think?

05. Fame
It was strange that Yue was now famous for cold silences and cryptic sarcasm, because once that had been Clow (and imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, hmm?).

06. Instant
He felt her resolve strengthen and he knew in that instant that there was nothing else to do; she had won, through Clow's own tricks, and even if the master wanted it this way, Yue still hurt.

07. Hold
He tried to hold on to the old ways, after he revealed himself, but there was Yukito and Sakura and they changed everything about his life.

08. Fish
Clow never used to eat this raw fish of which Yukito seemed to be fond; mentally Yue wrinkled his noise and added this to the list of things that were Different.

09. Don't
The Clow reincarnate told me not to hold onto the past; I looked into his familiar blue eyes and didn't say that he could be my future, if he wanted to.

10. Ego
Admittedly, dear Clow had an inflated ego, but with creations like this, why wouldn't he?

11. Flow
Yue never quite understood time as a flowing thing; he wanted to stand in the river and hold the water back, not understanding how it slipped through his fingers.

12. Dream
When Yukito slept, sometimes Yue watched his dreams, but after that last one with Touya and some whipped cream, Yue mostly tried to ignore them.

Haha. Yep, I did Yue AND humor. Not so easy sometimes. That was a little plotbunny I never wrote, actually-- Yue says in canon that he knows/sees everything Yukito does. Does that include dreams? And what would those unconscious dreams say about Yukito? And does Yue dream? I'd better stop speculating before I write another fic.

13. Action
Clow expressed his emotions through actions, and so did Yue, scooping up the Cardmistress, keeping her safe (yes, it was his duty, but also his pleasure).

14. Enough
Sometimes, when he'd had more than enough of Cerberus, he'd go sit on the roof and watch the sunset (sometimes, but never often enough, Clow would climb up and join him).

15. Green
Her eyes were green and trusting; Yue looked away.

16. Metaphor
"You could see this game as a metaphor for life," Cerberus said, waving empathically; Yue sighed, still not understanding why Cerberus thought pushing buttons was fun.

17. Teach
There were plenty of things Clow taught his guardians: math, science, history; the problem was when he filled in the gaps with his devising (Yue was admittedly suspicious of the country where everyone had monkey tails).

More Clow whimsy. This is as much a study of Clow as it is of Yue. Now wouldn't it be funny if the Tsubasa gang came across this world?

18. Demand
He wished sometimes Clow would demand something of him instead: a hug, a word, a commitment.

19. Inspire
Sakura was no writer, but the safety she felt tucked under Yue's wing inspired her to write poetry.

20. Unrequited
Yue wondered if Clow had created him to love or to guard; he felt pretty certain that "to feel pain" wasn't the actual reason.

I've always wondered this myself about Yue. Clow is such an enigma. Were they created as his children? They were called guardians, but he was the most powerful magician in the world. And you get the feeling that he kept himself apart from Yue and Kero as well. He wiped their memories of his death, after all.

21. Classic
The flour incident was classic Cerberus; Yue knew just what spell to use to clean everything up.

22. Far
Nowadays, when the night is dark and he sits on Yukito's roof, no one ever climbs up to join him and the days he loved seem so far away.

23. May
Clow celebrated their birthdays in May with a cake and children's party games (Yue pretended to hate them, but he always preened when he won at Pin the Tail on Kero-chan).

Yue+preening=OTP. Don't you think?

24. Breadth
Even when Clow was away and the breadth of the Earth separated them, Yue took comfort in knowing he would come back.

25. Wrench
The Moon Bell was quite a wrench in his plans, and worse yet when the priestess revealed that Clow had planned this.

26. Hope
He couldn't figure out what was so intoxicating in Sakura's eyes; when he asked Cerberus the lion laughed and said, "Hope!"

27. Scent
Eriol didn't smell like Clow (candle wax, smoke, dinner) and that helped a little when the reincarnate turned him away.

28. Pastel
The theme of Yue's design was soft pastels in white, silver, blue; it was cold pastel and it would fit his personality well, Clow thought.

29. Artist
Clow loved Yue and Cerberus as an artist loves his art, at first; later, he loved them as his children, but in the beginning it was hard to remember they were real.

My theory of the guardians, right there. That's why Clow made the mistakes he made.

30. Sorrow
Yue felt sorrow and shame at losing the Judgment, but she took his hand and lifted him from his knees, and some of the sorrow bled away.

31. Path
The path of life had too many twists and turns for Yue's taste, especially now that Yukito ran the show; with Clow it had been a straight path, forward to eternity, but human beings complicated things.

32. Wood
He thought he had her with Woody; who knew the card would be that fiercely loyal to the new girl?

33. Acceptance
That was the gift Sakura gave him: acceptance; and in the end, he learned to accept her too (not as a substitute, as her own person).

34. Yet
He never stopped loving Clow, yet she taught him how to love her too.

35. Shiver
When the seal on the Book broke, he awoke with a shiver from cold dreams; barely conscious, he began his task.

36. Hero
He never wanted to be the hero, and it was almost like his body moved on his own to rescue her; he never wanted to be the hero, but she needed someone to step up and catch her.

37. Body
It had been a physical shock to see Clow wearing this form (for that was the age at which he created the guardians).

38. Man
Yue respected Touya; his actions were those of an older, wiser man.

39. Pretend
One time, Cerberus suggested they play-pretend that Clow was gone and they were alone forever; Yue sat down on the floor and started to cry.

I totally wanted to put in something about their "childhood." This was perfect. Wouldn't they be cute little? Even though they really haven't changed at all over the years, I get a kick out of imagining Kero-kitten and Yue-child.

40. Curious
"That's not something for you to be curious about, Yue, I'll tell you when you're older."

41. Different
"Different isn't always a bad thing," Yue volunteered cautiously one afternoon; Sakura smiled (she knew he was talking about the differences between her and Clow).

42. Smooth
Yue prided himself on flight that was smooth and skillful (he never wanted Clow to have to use the Fly card).

Another one of my pet theories. I don't picture Clow as the flying type, really. He certainly wouldn't fly on that itty bitty Clow wand. I think Clow created Fly specifically for Sakura. After all, he had Yue to do his bidding, and Kero. Sakura didn't have them like that until the end of the first season.

43. Right
He had no right to take my memories of his death away.

44. Damn
When the screen said GAME OVER, Kero spoke a word Yue had never heard before; when he inquired of Sakura later, she hit Kero in the head.

45. Desire
His desire for Clow was multifoliate-- emotional, mental, and physical.

46. Ritual
Yue always watched when Clow was creating cards; the intricate ritual never ceased to fascinate him.

47. Color
The color seemed to bleed out of Clow's eyes as he died, and Yue grew even paler.

48. Visit
She might have been his counterpart, but that didn't mean Yue appreciated it when Ruby Moon came for visits (she was forever trying to steal Touya, who belonged to Yue and Yukito).

Fun with the Touya/Yukito/Yue dynamic. What a fascinating relationship to explore.

49. Belong
Sakura gave him somewhere to belong, and in the end, that is why he loved her.

50. Bully
He was one of those misunderstood bullies, and he was glad she saw through him in the end.

My favorite sentence of them all. And isn't it true?