storypaint | Favors (Cuddy/Thirteen)

Words: 618
Title: Favors
Author: rhap_chan
Fandom: House
Pairing: House/Wilson implied, Cuddy/Thirteen
Prompt: lgbtfest: 9. Any fandom: Just because the boss is GLBT, and so is character X, it doesn't mean they get any favours, whatever the gossip says.
IMPORTANT! I did not claim this with the fest, because the fic I wrote is way too short. I wrote this on my own time. NOT lgbtfest affiliated!
Rating: G
Word Count:
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: House, M.D. is the property of the Fox Network and associated. This fanfic is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.

Canonicity Notes: Given that I've missed most of Season 4, this fic is AU. Assumes a House/Wilson established relationship. House's reference to Cuddy dating Wilson is the episode where Wilson took her to a play. Set somewhere mid Season 4, before Thirteen's real name is revealed. (I don't know what it is, so don't spoil me!)

Excerpt: "Where did she take you out? Or did you pay? You took her out, didn't you? I always thought you'd be a stone butch. It's the source of some of my better fantasies."

"So how was your date?" House said, shutting the door behind him and turning with a certain swishy manner that made him look like a teenage gossip. Cuddy sighed.

"It wasn't a date. It was just coffee," she said, rustling papers meaningfully.

"But do you like her? I mean, like her like her?" he replied, putting on a falsetto. Cuddy rolled her eyes and fished around for something to preoccupy her.

"Tell me tell me tell me!" he said in a singsongy tone. "You have to tell best friends all the gossip. It's a friendship rule. Did I give you that bracelet for nothing?"

"Do you want something, House?" she said. House opened his mouth and she lifted her finger. "Something work-related? Permission to slice up children for medical reasons, perhaps, or cut fingers off employees who irritate you?"

"I haven't written up a proposal for that one yet," House replied. "And it's sort of work-related. Why you date the people around me, I'll never know. Trying to keep an eye on me? It never works."

"You're always thrilled to tell me what you're up to. Now don't you have a patient to deal with? Excessive bleeding from every orifice, amnesia?"

"Solved that one earlier," House replied promptly. "Where did she take you out? Or did you pay? You took her out, didn't you? I always thought you'd be a stone butch. It's the source of some of my better fantasies."

House was leering, but in a generic sort of way. Cuddy was long used to it. She sort of wondered how House had found out that she had gone out with Thirteen at all. Then again, it was House. And hospital personnel talked.

"Did Thirteen tell you her real name?" he continued. "Was it better than dating Wilson? I bet it was. Less feelings."

She could see this one lasting all afternoon, and she had a lot of paperwork to deal with. Cuddy sighed.

"Yes, she told me her real name. But then again, you could look it up at any time. You have her files. We went Dutch, we had coffee, and we talked. About anything but you, House."

"Sounds like the best sort of sexual tension," House said triumphantly.

"Are gay men supposed to fantasize about lesbians?" she asked absently, turning over an old sheet scrawled with clinic hours and laying it onto another pile of paperwork.

"I don't think gay men are supposed to get married to women, either, but Wilson must have missed this memo. No details? How was the coffee?" House lifted his eyebrows.

"It was fine, House. Don't you have something better to do? Sodomizing Wilson in front of the new Coma Guy?"

"I'm sure you're not suggesting I have extra privileges just because we're both... queer," he said, whispering the last word and glancing around theatrically.

"You have extra clinic duty," she said frankly, "since you healed your patient." House pouted.

"Generally you reward someone for saving lives, not punish them."

"Generally someone isn't in this office asking me about dating one of his fellows. It's against policy to fraternize like that, House. We just had coffee."

"But where is she taking you next week?"

Cuddy glanced up from her paperwork, startled, and her face told House all he needed to know.

"That's what I thought. No, a woman like you wouldn't be the butch. She'd want to be pampered. Make her take you somewhere nice."

"Go away, House!" Cuddy said.

"No extra clinic duty?"

"Remove yourself from my sight."

"Yes, I get super-special gay privileges!" House said, pumping a fist in the air. "Wait until I tell Wilson!"

Cuddy sighed deeply as he left. The quiet was victory enough.

Favors (Cuddy/Thirteen)

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