Near-Death Experience (House gen)

[storypaint]

Comm: 50fantastic
Words: 589
Title: Near-Death Experience
Fandom: House, M.D./Discworld
Characters: House and Death
Warnings/Ratings: none
Disclaimer: House belongs to Fox, Discworld to Terry Pratchett.
Note: This is set after the season 2 finale of House.

Excerpt: The man laughed, a surprising reaction, and said, "So, you have a whole menagerie? Death is a franchise? You coming for Steve next week when Wilson forgets to feed him?"

There was a shot, and it blazed loudly in his ears for a moment, and then nothing. And after a moment, nothing faded back into a hospital room, and Gregory House looked down for a moment at his still form on the bed, and then up at Death.

He hadn't expected this. Not at all.

"I didn't believe that there was anything after death."

House folded his arms and stared stubbornly into Death's face. It was somewhat disconcerting to the anthromorphic personification-- most people wouldn't meet his eyes. Those who did had trouble remembering their names afterwards. He couldn't figure out why.

"That's why I worked so hard to keep people alive in this world," House said. He leaned heavily on his cane and Death wondered why. They were in a timeless place, between worlds (the hospital room was long gone). In a place like this, it could be before or after he had been hurt, but the man chose afterwards.

Death had seen this before, but he never understood why people let themselves be defined by an injury. (Death let himself be defined by the cloak and skull, but he wasn't as individualistic as the human race seemed to be.)

"What's next?" the doctor said. Tiny skeletal feet scittered across the ground. Death made no sound himself, but some things were expected of rats. Rats scittered.

The man laughed, a surprising reaction, and said, "So, you have a whole menagerie? Death is a franchise? You coming for Steve next week when Wilson forgets to feed him?"

SQUEAK, the Death of Rats said solemnly, and House laughed. He looked back at Death with some interest.

"I normally won't meet my patients, but you're looking a little thin. Any symptoms? ...Look at me, trying to diagnose a hallucination. Don't you have somewhere better to be than chasing a stubborn jerk like me?"

His words seemed like a challenge to Death. Prove me wrong, he was saying. That for one moment, I was the most important thing on someone's list.

I HAVE TO BE PRESENT AT ALL NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCES, Death said. He pulled up the sleeve of his cloak and studied a watch that threatened to slide off the bones into the abyss surrounding them. He nodded.

"You don't like people like me, do you?" House said, breaking Death's line of vision. "The ones who get off. Who get other people off."

EVENTUALLY, Death said placidly, I WILL CLAIM YOU. I AM IN NO RUSH, DOCTOR. EXCEPT I HAVE A TRAIN WRECK IN QUIRM IN ABOUT TWO MINUTES, SO I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOUR COLLEAGUES WOULD REVIVE YOU.

"Who's doing the CPR?" House asked. Death appreciated the professional interest, and took a look.

DR. CAMERON, he said.

"No worries," House said. "She won't let me die. She's the one who still cares."

I SEE, Death said. The Death of Rats chittered.

"Stay away from Steve," House said to it, giving it a look, and it was at that moment that he was dumped back into his body, with all the attendant pains. He had a moment to think of a few jokes he could make about Cameron and the kiss of life before he slipped back into unconsciousness.

*

SQUEAK?

HE'S A GOOD DOCTOR, BUT HE CAN'T KEEP YOU FROM THE RAT. DEATH COMES TO ALL CREATURES.

SQUEAK.

RIGHT, QUIRM, Death said, and he and the Death of Rats retrieved Binky from his parking space in the PPTH lot.