Pastel Days (Eriol/Sakura) *repost*

[storypaint]

Comm: 30_dreams
Words : 816
Title: Pastel Days
Author/Artist: rhap_chan
Pairing: Hiiragizawa Eriol/Kinomoto Sakura
Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura
Theme: 07. purple; colour
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to CLAMP. This fanfic is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.

Excerpt: Her dreams were oddly devoid of color this afternoon, whitewashed and pasteled like the winter sky outside.

Her dreams were oddly devoid of color this afternoon, whitewashed and pasteled like the winter sky outside. "Take one and call me in the morning," the doctor had said, not mentioning the impact the pills would have on her dreams and her awareness. She didn't like it.

She didn't like it, but it stopped the pain, so she did what he told her to do.

She awoke slowly as twilight began to fall, like coming up out of a deep pool of water, struggling to reach the surface, so much so that she woke gasping with purple splotches in her vision. She blinked, trying to clear her sight and her mind, but she still felt thick.

Eriol was sitting at the foot of the bed in a small chair he'd found somewhere else in the house; she didn't want to think enough to figure out where. His head was bowed and he looked like he was asleep, but when she focused her gaze on him he looked up and met her eyes.

"How are you feeling today?" he said to her. She wasn't sure, so she nodded, and it made her head hurt.

"When did you get here, Eriol-kun?" she asked curiously. There was a second question wanting to emerge after that one, about Syaoran-kun, but there was something that hurt about that question and she decided to ignore it for now.

"Late last night," he said, getting up from the chair and stretching. He'd certainly grown tall since he had left Tomoeda. His face had narrowed and he had stopped wearing glasses, but she had recognized him even in her drugged fog. It had been, what? Eight or ten years now? Those days seemed so far away.

"Oh," she said, running out of small talk. Her body wanted to sink back into sleep, but she wouldn't let it yet. There was something that felt wrong here.

Then she remembered. He was dead.

That was the reason for the sedative.

Eriol watched her return to consciousness and then the realization. When he saw her face fall, he knew she must have remembered, and he couldn't stand to see her look like she did. She should be happy, always happy. It was something he and Clow and Fugitaka had all wanted for her, one of the reasons Clow had chosen her. "The Cards deserve a happy master," he had said to himself when he was manipulating fate. He had tried to give them one. Some things are unpredictable.

He couldn't stand to see the sorrow painted so clearly on her face. It's hard to separate soulmates, he knew. He strode over to her bed and sat down, pulling her to him, and letting her tears wet his chest, humming and soothing and knowing that all the words he had wouldn't be enough, because Syaoran was gone.

He held her and he rocked her and when her sobs had quieted a little, he let her fall asleep hearing his heartbeat. He knew she was used to that. It wasn't Syaoran's heartbeat, but it was enough for this grief-soaked girl.

Soon-- probably tomorrow, he thought-- Tomoyo would be here from Milan and she would take over caring for Sakura. It had been only luck that he was here already. When he had heard, he had come straight to the house, and locks were never a burden for him. He knew she needed someone.

It had not only be luck that he was here. There was no luck, no fate, only hitsuzen. He had been here to tell her something that he didn't dare burden her with now. Matters of the heart were trivial when faced with utter grief. She wouldn't be mourning this much if there was still some part of her that remembered Eriol in a more than platonic way.

He had come to Japan to confess, to lay his feelings at Sakura's feet, knowing she would deny him, and hoping against all hope that she wouldn't. His infatuation with her had driven Kaho away, and why shouldn't it have? She deserved someone who could think only of her when he had her in his arms. Eriol knew he had done her wrong, but he hadn't understood when he had left that the kind gaze he had for Sakura was different, and that the smiles she gave him ran so deep.

He would leave when Tomoyo came, but for now he let Sakura sleep, gently unwrapping her arms from around his waist and laying her down on the bed. He tucked the covers around her and then drew the curtains against the colorless sky. It looked like all the heart had gone out of the day, like it had from out of them.

Asleep, Sakura whispered Syaoran's name, and Eriol once again took his place in the chair at the foot of her bed, shutting his eyes. They slept until another painful day awoke.