Safety (Touya/Yukito/Yue)

[storypaint]

Title: Safety
Day/Theme: 21 // adagio, crescendo, build, build, build
Series: Cardcaptor Sakura
Character/Pairing: Kinomoto Touya/Tsukihiro Yukito
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Cardcaptor Sakura belongs to CLAMP. All fanfiction archived here is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.

Summary: Yukito decides that Touya and Yue need to learn how to get along. Neither Touya nor Yue are amused.

Multiple personality disorder might be easier than this, this careful engineering of my life as a protector of Sakura and then as myself.

I still think of myself-as-Yukito as being separate from Yue. We seem to live in two very different worlds. Yue has never washed dishes, or made cookies, or enjoyed a good meal, and it is those things and other little things that make up my life. He allows these things to be mine.

He allows Touya to be mine as well, still pining over the long-dead magician who gave him life. Sometimes I want to tease him about his father issues, as I tease Touya about his sister complex, but I am afraid and remain silent.

Multiple personality disorder would be easier, because the other personalities would be imaginary, and he is not.

~

Yue makes Touya uncomfortable when he appears. He is just so cold, Touya told me once. He stares with those cat eyes and appears not to like what he sees.

He never does, Touya, he never does.

~

Sometimes when I sleep at night Yue talks to me in dreams. I know they are his dreams, because mine are sweet and bright and involve people. His dreams are barren.

"You should try to be friendly to Touya," I say once. He makes a contemptuous noise.

"Why?"

"Because you and I--"

"You are part of me-- not the other way around," he says, looming over me. "Don't forget that."

I don't try to talk to him much after that.

But I think he may be wrong.

When Yue says I am his false form, and he real, I don't believe him. I am not a false person-- I am a real person. I can be loved and love others, and if that doesn't define a person, I don't know what would.

Touya said once that Yue and I are quite alike, and he tossed the thought away into the wind. I scrambled after it and caught it, and now I hold it dear to me when I am feeling unreal.

~

I wish Touya had a better person than I to love. My irascible other form is more irritating at times than in-laws could ever be. Some mornings when we get up, there are feathers in the bed. One is always poking me in the spine. Carefully, almost daintily, Touya plucks them free from the bedding and throws them away.

I can never remember what problem happened that caused Sakura to call Yue. Perhaps he just goes out some nights and flies to somewhere he can be separate from Touya and me. Who knows? The one who does will never tell.

I wish, for Touya's sake (and my sanity), that Yue would sleep, but he will not. He makes silences awkward when they had not been before. It is somewhat frightening to know that he is always listening.

Is it strange that he frightens me, and yet I admire him a little? He does a job that neither Touya or I can do: he keeps Sakura safe. And whatever his past loyalties, they are hers now. He has a terrible, awesome power and a cold, dry personality. I can imagine him as a foil to Keroberos, the straight man in a freakish comedic duo. I bet he is good at sarcasm.

He does not share his thoughts with me, but he listens to mine.

~

Perhaps that is why, several years after he woke in me, he saved Touya for my sake.

We were rock-climbing on summer vacation. We had both planned our days off to give us a free week at the height of summer, and we went to the mountains.

Touya wipes his forehead again and looks over his shoulder at me. From the way his eyes move I can tell he is checking once again to make sure all of my safety equipment is fastened. He has always managed to be my protector. Sometimes it makes me feel childish, but it also makes me feel safe with him.

"There's another place to stop coming up," he says, gesturing to a rock encropping just a few feet above us. I have not said I am tired, but he knows. He prefers it when I do not acknowledge his forethought, not wanting his emotions to be read so easily, I suppose, so I simply nod and follow him up.

I am never sure what makes Touya lose his balance. All I know is that suddenly he is falling past me and though I reach out my hand I know it is too late and then--

For a moment, I know nothing. And then there is a sort of ripping in my head and I begin to hear the sound of wings and a scream. The sound is somewhat skewed and I'd like to clean my ears out, but then I realize that I am the one falling-- No, it is a controlled flight, Yue corrects-- towards the ground... towards Touya, whose hand is still extended as though I can catch him. He is shocked to see the sudden transformation and more shocked to see Yue fall after him, his wings tucked carefully so as to provide the most aerodynamic movements.

I have never been conscious when Yue controls me. It is something that makes me doubt myself sometimes, because he is conscious when I am guiding. So this is something new to me, probably caused by whatever made that ripping noise. I have never flown before, either, and I feel like it would make my heart pound and the blood race in my ears. Yue is used to it, and can be much calmer.

A few breaths and impossibly Yue catches Touya's hand, and stops falling with a jerk that hurts their arms. Touya is wide-eyed and breathing heavily, the least composed that I have ever seen him.

Since we are only a few feet from the ground he sets Touya down and Touya immediately collapses to a sitting position. His legs cannot support him after the shock. I want to go to him and make sure he's okay, but Yue stands back, studying him clinically for a moment.

"Thank you," Touya says, and I echo it in my head, hoping he will hear me. Yue nods.

Don't doubt my love for you again, he says in a somewhat sour tone back to me, and then transforms. I run to Touya and fall to my knees beside him, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my head into his neck. He is real, he is alive, he is breathing, he is mine...

Thank you, Yue.