[Glee] a bit of bite (the Addams remix) (Mike/Tina)

[storypaint]

Title: a bit of bite (the Addams remix)
Fandom: Glee
Length: 1816 words
Prompt: gleeremix
Pairing: Mike/Tina
Other: Crack taken semi-seriously? Discussions of blood and vampirism. This is a remix of themillersson's fic family traditions are important. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to put my own spin on your story! It was a lot of fun.

All vampire legends conflicted because the vampires wanted them to. Tina's father explained this to his daughter on the first Halloween that she was old enough to celebrate. Tina wanted to dress like a fairy princess, but her mother thought she looked adorable in her pumpkin costume. Tina wasn't too disappointed once she started getting candy. She held tight to her father's hand and toddled after him on wobbly four-year-old feet.

"That costume is wrong! Vampires don't look like that!" she said loudly as they passed the boy who lived up the street. He glared at her, response obscured by his glow-in-the-dark fangs. Tina's father laughed and took her past quickly.

"That wasn't good to say, Tina," he said, a few houses down, leaning down to her level and looking her in the eye. It made her feel special whenever he did that, so she usually tried to listen.

"But Daddy, it isn't," she said to him gravely. "You don't wear a cape. And you always wipe your mouth after."

He smiled at her and patted her on the head. "I know, baby. But we want to blend in with everyone else. That way it isn't so hard to find dinner. That's why all vampire stories are different."

Tina's eyes widened in revelation. "Oh!" she said. "That's really smart!"

"Vampires are really smart," her father agreed, getting back to his feet and taking her hand again.

The next year, Tina went as a fairy princess, occasionally running her tongue over her fangs, which were beginning to come in, although not so much that a normal human would notice.

*

So this was the truth about vampires. They could eat human food if they wanted to. They had children with other vampires, who grew up like normal kids who had a few unusual teething problems. They didn't mind sunlight. And they weren't exactly immortal, although they aged really slowly once they'd achieved adulthood. Tina slept in a twin bed, not a coffin, and her eyes weren't bloodshot or red.

The blood-drinking part was definitely true, though. Tina had been taking from her parents' veins pretty much since birth. (This was much easier than finding willing victims for children, and most vampire mothers agreed it was better for the little ones.)

Now that she was sixteen, though, she thought it might be time to try someone new. It was mortifying to be that old and still leaving marks on your mom's wrist.

Tina had been thinking about asking Artie. her mother told her not to count on first boyfriends, but every time she kissed him, feeling his heart beat a little faster, she really wanted to. And then the summer came and he'd ignored her, and she quit wondering how his blood would taste and started fantasizing instead about licking blood from Mike Chang's well-toned abs.

He didn't care when she dropped her stutter. He actually listened to her. He didn't mind her style (chosen as an ironic statement, and because she thought she looked good in black).

Mike saw her, and liked Tina for who she was. She thought it was time for him to know all of her secrets.

*

No matter how many times she rehearsed this scenario in her head, it still sounded ridiculous. She'd even gone so far as to buy a coming-out book at the mall bookstore. Telling someone you were gay wasn't that much like telling them you were a vampire, but she thought it might help with starting the conversation, at least.

So now Mike was sitting on her bed, wearing an uncertain expression and watching her pace around the room.

"Tina?" he said after a few minutes. She held up a hand and covered her eyes with another one.

"Are you--" He swallowed, shifting on the bed. She lifted her hand and looked over at him. "Are you a lesbian?" he asked, blushing with embarrassment. "Because, I dunno, you always seemed really into it--"

"What?" Tina asked, knocked off-guard, and he held up the book. She'd forgotten that she'd left it on her bed before he'd arrived. She rushed over and took it from him, and then realized how suspicious that seemed. Mike looked hurt. Tina sighed and then sat down next to him, tossing the book across the room.

"I'm not gay," she said firmly. "I did kiss Mercedes when we were playing spin the bottle at Rachel's party, but you and Puck were practically cuddling and I know you're both straight. So." She took a deep breath. "No. I wanted to tell you something else. Something a lot stranger."

"You joined Cheerios?" he said, straight-faced. She smacked his shoulder and had to laugh a little. He was always so good at putting her at ease.

"No, Mike, it's..." she hesitated, but then plowed on. "So you remember when Figgins thought I was an Asian vampire? Well..."

*

She couldn't blame him for not wanting to believe her. If she hadn't grown up with this, she probably wouldn't have believed it either. And the contradictory legends didn't really help when you wanted to explain for real.

He promised to think about it, though, and he called her on Saturday.

"Am I a bad boyfriend for wanting proof?" he asked.

"Not at all," she reassured, feeling a wave of relief. "If you come over, my dad said he'd explain stuff. And show proof, I guess."

"Your dad?"

Tina had been expecting more of an argument from her father than she'd actually received. Instead he'd told her this rambling story about meeting Tina's mom in high school, and winked at her. He even agreed when she asked him not to do his favorite fake plastic fangs bit.

So she was a little sharp when she replied, "Yeah, my dad. We've gotten dim sum with your mom how many times?"

"I, uh, don't think it's exactly the same," Mike replied. "Since my mom isn't a legendary being. Except I guess she has a legendary love of dim sum."

Tina laughed and Mike agreed to come over.

*

Tina's dad was really persuasive. Like, so persuasive that Mike suspected it was a vampire power. He was going to claim vampire power if anyone asked where this bed came from. And this--

--This looked like something he'd buy for Tina, not to wear himself. Mike Chang was not into cross-dressing. Being in Glee made life difficult enough without being... well, Kurt had to transfer, didn't he?

He was trying to decide if he was being homophobic or not (still a bit groggy) when there was a sound at the window.

*

Tina dug her nails into the siding, hoping that her nail polish wouldn't chip too much and that the boards wouldn't come loose, like the ones under her bedroom window, from all the times she'd forgotten her key and had to let herself in that way. Luckily, Mike's window faced away from the street.

(Vampires didn't turn into bats and fly. They could climb as fast as that spider she found last time she'd dusted, which had hidden before anyone came to see what she was screaming about.)

She swung up onto the windowsill and saw Mike in the bed, eyes wide, and she almost fell backwards off the sill because Mike was wearing the nightie, the one her father had described in such loving detail, the one (or quite similar to the one) her mother had been wearing when her father first spotted her on his nightly stroll across the city rooftops.

She wanted to laugh so badly, but instead she vaulted over the windowsill (being thankful afterward that someone had thought to remove the screen) and into the room. Her dad had let her wear her good cape (some things were traditional -- apparently more than she'd guessed), but otherwise she hadn't changed her clothes too much. She still had the idea that she was going to ease him into this.

Blood-sucking. With Mike. Could you ease into that?

She could see the whites of his eyes and his fear was a little adorable. Maybe her dad had a point with the nightie thing, because she wanted to just jump him. But no. She forced her feelings down as she approached, asking him how he felt. There was etiquette for entering someone's space, even through the window.

Mike was still staring. "Nice costume," he said. "I guess. Nice-- those fangs look really real."

Tina hadn't meant to show them off yet. Her body had anticipated her.

"They are real," she said impatiently, taking another step closer. Mike scuttled back against the headboard, clutching at the edge of his dress and pulling it down-- over his boxers, Tina noticed, so at least her dad wasn't that weird.

"I thought you were kidding!" Mike said. "I thought we were roleplaying again!"

Tina had suggested the roleplaying as a lead-up to her reveal, and it hadn't occurred to her until now that he might have gotten confused. She'd done her best to be perfect sincere. Her dad swore he'd explained, and had sent her off to "enjoy herself" after a very embarrassing lecture.

She didn't know what to say, so she bit her lip a little and Mike's eyes widened.

"Don't do that," he said, gaze focused on her mouth.

"Fine," Tina said, turning away and letting her shoulders fall, frustrated. It figured. It figured that after all this time, she was going to be rejected for being too weird. She really liked Mike. She might even love him, and that was a word you didn't toss around lightly in her culture.

("You never hear about The Ex-Wife of Dracula," her dad said one night during a lull in the family's weekend monster movie marathon. "You're responsible for the people you turn. Remember that, Tee.")

"Chicken feet," she muttered. It was a very small thing compared to letting someone drink your blood, but it was the principle of the thing that she wanted Mike to understand.

"Point," he said, and hesitated. "Okay. We can try this," he continued.

She whipped around to look at him. He smiled, a little sheepish. "Can't be too bad. I've always had a thing for Elvira."

She hit him in the arm, laughing, and that was all it took to reset the mood. She always felt comfortable with Mike. She'd missed that these past few days.

"Okay," she said, kissing his cheek. "Lean back."

He did, but moved when she got off the bed.

"What are you doing?"

She grinned, and this time he didn't recoil. "Full experience," she said, "dictates that I come upon sleepers with open windows..."

But when he opened his arms, she came back. There was no one else to know, after all.