storypaint (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
storypaint) wrote2010-07-23 08:53 am
storypaint) wrote2010-07-23 08:53 am
[Cardcaptor Sakura] turning of us over from time to eternity (Yue/Clow)
Title: turning of us over from time to eternity
Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura
Length: 1191 words
Prompt:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
clampkink: Yue -> Clow - The first time Yue changed his clothes was when he put on one of Clow's suits and went to visit his grave for the first time.
Pairing: slight Yue/Clow
Other: Aaaaaaangst, discussion of death. G.
Excerpt: Clow had a grave, but no one knew where it was.
Clow had a grave, but no one knew where it was. Yue could have called the witch and asked her to make arrangements, could have hidden his wings and sat in the back of a church while the curious passed by the coffin to pay respects or to make sure he was dead. He could have done this, and would have if he'd thought it was what Clow wanted, but towards the end, before he lost the ability to speak, Clow had called his guardians to his side and asked them not to make his death into a production.
"We make a great fuss when people come into the world," he'd said, eyes crinkling with amusement Yue could not see, "but there's no need to do the same when we die."
Yue had nodded, stiffly, and Cerberus had brushed his head under Clow's hand, and it wasn't long until the mage had fallen asleep and hadn't woken again. The Cards were sealed, but Yue and Cerberus could feel their anguish, anyway. Yue held the Book to his chest and watched as Cerberus scratched out a large hole in the back of the garden. There wouldn't be any flowers growing there next year, anyway. At least, Yue didn't intend to plant any. He wasn't sure what arrangements had been made for the house, but he didn't really care. Now that Clow wasn't in it, it didn't matter. Nothing did.
The guardians buried their master by moonlight. Yue struggled to make an ice crystal large enough to serve as a coffin. The effort made him weary to the bone. He felt that was appropriate. Clow was dead, and he would sleep. Then he wouldn't be alone.
Cerberus's warm form pressed against Yue's legs. Yue reached down and rested his hand on the sun guardian's head. Cerberus twitched his tail. He lifted a heavy paw and threw dirt on the makeshift grave, and then he nuzzled back against Yue's calf again.
Earth did not listen to Yue very well (wind and water, those were his elements), and of course the Book was closed, but Yue still managed to finish the burial, somehow. Perhaps words should have been said, but Yue had never been good with them. Clow had always understood what he didn't say.
By morning, he had pressed himself to the back of the book. Eternal sleep was not the same as eternal rest, but it was as good as he could get for now.
*
"Clow actually did die in that room with the fireplace," Kero said. "Yue and I nursed him until the end."
"Really?" Sakura answered. "Then the dream I saw was wrong."
"Or," Kero said, "Clow messed with our memories."
*
Yue waited until a week after Eriol left the manor before he asked Yukito for an hour of his time. Yukito agreed without protest or question. They were beginning to have an understanding, and in any case, Yukito seemed to have a great deal of respect for Yue's privacy. Even if he found his false form annoying most of the time, Yue was grateful for that.
He transformed and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror before he turned to go, and his gaze caught and stayed. Sakura was always worried to be out in public with him. She said that his appearance attracted attention, even when he put his wings away, even when he walked instead of floating.
So he opened Yukito's closet and considered. In the back there was a nice suit that Yukito owned for formal occasions. He'd never worn it. That was because it was one of Clow's old suits. Yue recognized it instantly; his breath caught. There weren't many things in this house that had belonged to his first master, but perhaps Eriol had left some to Yukito. Yue certainly had never noticed it before.
He undressed and redressed slowly, unfamiliar with the steps. He'd never worn anything but the clothes that Clow had given him when he'd been made. If he shut his eyes and concentrated, he could remember Clow's fingers on his skin, tying and adjusting. His own fingers paused, but after a moment he realized this and went to work again. When he looked into the mirror again, it was very strange. The suit was gray and fitted for a much taller man. It looked strange on Yue, but anything would look strange when paired with his pale hair and ice-blue eyes.
He drew on enough of Yukito's memories to catch a bus, and walked the rest of the way to Clow's vacant mansion. It wasn't particularly that Yukito's shoes didn't fit him, but more that he wasn't used to wearing shoes at all, and he had an uncharacteristic limp by the time that he arrived in the gardens. He ignored it.
He could see that the gardens had become overgrown in Clow's absence, and that Eriol had trimmed everything back again. Most of it was the same as it had been, those years ago, but here and there there were daisies where there had been roses, sunflowers instead of mums. It was disorienting, and at the same time, reassuring. Eriol had told him that he was no longer Clow. Some of his tastes had changed, along with his height and his name and most of what had made Clow the man Yue had guarded and loved. He hadn't been lying.
He might have been. Clow was very good at lying. He'd lied to them about his death. That was, in fact, why Yue was here at all. He strode painfully to the back of the garden and looked. There was no slight mound here, under the tree, no wooden marker (Cerberus had done that; Yue had seen no point: he'd remember where Clow lay forever). It had never happened. He'd known it, once Sakura had broken through the patch and found his true memories, but it was still hard to see. He stared at the ground. He could remember the way Clow felt, limp and lifeless. He could remember the blisters on his hands from the shovel.
He knew what Clow would say. It might have happened differently, but that didn't make it less true. Maybe so, but it was still a bitter breath that Yue swallowed.
"Goodbye," he said out loud, before he turned and walked away. He let Yukito take control once he thought they were far enough away. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Yukito was amazed to have awakened again on a bus (apparently he hadn't known Yue could understand buses, but Yue knew everything Yukito did, so why not?).
Yukito changed when he got home and hung the suit carefully again in the back of his closet, not commenting on Yue's odd choice of attire, or why it had followed him back to his false form. The guardian's normal clothes had disappeared when Yue had. He would have them whenever he appeared again.
It took a long time for Yue to come to the conclusion, but finally he did, and when he did so, he sighed in relief.
Sakura would never do such a thing. She didn't have deception in her. She was honest, always.
And in this way, she was superior to Clow.
Fandom: Cardcaptor Sakura
Length: 1191 words
Prompt:
clampkink: Yue -> Clow - The first time Yue changed his clothes was when he put on one of Clow's suits and went to visit his grave for the first time.Pairing: slight Yue/Clow
Other: Aaaaaaangst, discussion of death. G.
Excerpt: Clow had a grave, but no one knew where it was.
Clow had a grave, but no one knew where it was. Yue could have called the witch and asked her to make arrangements, could have hidden his wings and sat in the back of a church while the curious passed by the coffin to pay respects or to make sure he was dead. He could have done this, and would have if he'd thought it was what Clow wanted, but towards the end, before he lost the ability to speak, Clow had called his guardians to his side and asked them not to make his death into a production.
"We make a great fuss when people come into the world," he'd said, eyes crinkling with amusement Yue could not see, "but there's no need to do the same when we die."
Yue had nodded, stiffly, and Cerberus had brushed his head under Clow's hand, and it wasn't long until the mage had fallen asleep and hadn't woken again. The Cards were sealed, but Yue and Cerberus could feel their anguish, anyway. Yue held the Book to his chest and watched as Cerberus scratched out a large hole in the back of the garden. There wouldn't be any flowers growing there next year, anyway. At least, Yue didn't intend to plant any. He wasn't sure what arrangements had been made for the house, but he didn't really care. Now that Clow wasn't in it, it didn't matter. Nothing did.
The guardians buried their master by moonlight. Yue struggled to make an ice crystal large enough to serve as a coffin. The effort made him weary to the bone. He felt that was appropriate. Clow was dead, and he would sleep. Then he wouldn't be alone.
Cerberus's warm form pressed against Yue's legs. Yue reached down and rested his hand on the sun guardian's head. Cerberus twitched his tail. He lifted a heavy paw and threw dirt on the makeshift grave, and then he nuzzled back against Yue's calf again.
Earth did not listen to Yue very well (wind and water, those were his elements), and of course the Book was closed, but Yue still managed to finish the burial, somehow. Perhaps words should have been said, but Yue had never been good with them. Clow had always understood what he didn't say.
By morning, he had pressed himself to the back of the book. Eternal sleep was not the same as eternal rest, but it was as good as he could get for now.
*
"Clow actually did die in that room with the fireplace," Kero said. "Yue and I nursed him until the end."
"Really?" Sakura answered. "Then the dream I saw was wrong."
"Or," Kero said, "Clow messed with our memories."
*
Yue waited until a week after Eriol left the manor before he asked Yukito for an hour of his time. Yukito agreed without protest or question. They were beginning to have an understanding, and in any case, Yukito seemed to have a great deal of respect for Yue's privacy. Even if he found his false form annoying most of the time, Yue was grateful for that.
He transformed and caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror before he turned to go, and his gaze caught and stayed. Sakura was always worried to be out in public with him. She said that his appearance attracted attention, even when he put his wings away, even when he walked instead of floating.
So he opened Yukito's closet and considered. In the back there was a nice suit that Yukito owned for formal occasions. He'd never worn it. That was because it was one of Clow's old suits. Yue recognized it instantly; his breath caught. There weren't many things in this house that had belonged to his first master, but perhaps Eriol had left some to Yukito. Yue certainly had never noticed it before.
He undressed and redressed slowly, unfamiliar with the steps. He'd never worn anything but the clothes that Clow had given him when he'd been made. If he shut his eyes and concentrated, he could remember Clow's fingers on his skin, tying and adjusting. His own fingers paused, but after a moment he realized this and went to work again. When he looked into the mirror again, it was very strange. The suit was gray and fitted for a much taller man. It looked strange on Yue, but anything would look strange when paired with his pale hair and ice-blue eyes.
He drew on enough of Yukito's memories to catch a bus, and walked the rest of the way to Clow's vacant mansion. It wasn't particularly that Yukito's shoes didn't fit him, but more that he wasn't used to wearing shoes at all, and he had an uncharacteristic limp by the time that he arrived in the gardens. He ignored it.
He could see that the gardens had become overgrown in Clow's absence, and that Eriol had trimmed everything back again. Most of it was the same as it had been, those years ago, but here and there there were daisies where there had been roses, sunflowers instead of mums. It was disorienting, and at the same time, reassuring. Eriol had told him that he was no longer Clow. Some of his tastes had changed, along with his height and his name and most of what had made Clow the man Yue had guarded and loved. He hadn't been lying.
He might have been. Clow was very good at lying. He'd lied to them about his death. That was, in fact, why Yue was here at all. He strode painfully to the back of the garden and looked. There was no slight mound here, under the tree, no wooden marker (Cerberus had done that; Yue had seen no point: he'd remember where Clow lay forever). It had never happened. He'd known it, once Sakura had broken through the patch and found his true memories, but it was still hard to see. He stared at the ground. He could remember the way Clow felt, limp and lifeless. He could remember the blisters on his hands from the shovel.
He knew what Clow would say. It might have happened differently, but that didn't make it less true. Maybe so, but it was still a bitter breath that Yue swallowed.
"Goodbye," he said out loud, before he turned and walked away. He let Yukito take control once he thought they were far enough away. He wanted to be alone with his thoughts. Yukito was amazed to have awakened again on a bus (apparently he hadn't known Yue could understand buses, but Yue knew everything Yukito did, so why not?).
Yukito changed when he got home and hung the suit carefully again in the back of his closet, not commenting on Yue's odd choice of attire, or why it had followed him back to his false form. The guardian's normal clothes had disappeared when Yue had. He would have them whenever he appeared again.
It took a long time for Yue to come to the conclusion, but finally he did, and when he did so, he sighed in relief.
Sakura would never do such a thing. She didn't have deception in her. She was honest, always.
And in this way, she was superior to Clow.