storypaint (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
storypaint) wrote2009-06-29 06:47 pm
storypaint) wrote2009-06-29 06:47 pm
The Dreamer's Question (Clow/Yuuko)
Title: The Dreamer's Question
Fandom: xxxHOLiC/Cardcaptor Sakura/Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Length: 2918 words
Prompt: contemporary AU for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
cliche_bingo
Pairing: Clow/Yuuko
Other: CCS/TRC/xH crossover, spoilers for recent chapters, surprisingly G, mostly AU. The one in which Clow and Yuuko are married and Clow has been having interesting dreams.
Excerpt: Kimihiro, like Sakura, grows up learning three languages. His father teaches him to cook and sew; his mother teaches him how to choose the right kind of sake and how to see the things that are really there that no one notices. He manifests his first magic circle at the age of nine; he exorcises his first spirit not much later, in a flailing manner alongside the cool young grandson of a priest who lives nearby. It is not a usual life, perhaps, but it is a happy one.
Kimihiro is a fussy child and Clow is often dragged from his bed by determined wails at ridiculous hours of the night. He interrupts Clow's dreams with his piercing tones, even the prophetic ones.
Clow comes to consciousness falling out of the dream like he's falling out of bed, clutching the bedsheets, and Yuuko murmurs and turns over. He reaches over and brushes her shoulder, but she doesn't wake, and it isn't his intention to rouse her anyway.
She's warm, she's breathing, she's real. His hand on her shoulder reassures him of that.
He smiles and finds his glasses before rising to soothe his son. He rocks the little boy, half-wondering where all of Kimihiro's anger comes from (not from himself: his wife claims he is too calm, and not from her, either: her anger flares and fades swiftly, not like Kimihiro's constant fury).
"I made a wish," he says to the little boy, whose tantrum is beginning to slow, and he strokes the fine hair on the child's forehead. "In my dream, I made a wish."
The baby stares with bright blue eyes, and Clow stares back at him for a moment before sighing and looking away.
The problem with seeing the future is that sometimes one sees futures that aren't real in this universe, or even the next universe over. Sometimes you see pasts instead, or alternate endings to the same event. He isn't sure if these dreams he's been having recently are glimpses of another Clow, another Yuuko, another Kimihiro on their distant world, or just something that might have been here.
He's seen Kimihiro already as a teenager, pursued constantly by spirits no one else sees. He's seen Yuuko alone in a shop with children not her own, blue and pink and soulless, all of them lonely. He's seen the way this other Clow atones for his mistakes, a foster parent inhaling sand on a distant world.
Clow puts the baby back to bed. When he returns to his own bed, Yuuko curls up around him like a cat, seeking his warmth and making a soft purr of satisfaction when she finds it.
When he wakes in the morning, he doesn't remember any new dreams.
*
Kimihiro, like Sakura, grows up learning three languages. His father teaches him to cook and sew; his mother teaches him how to choose the right kind of sake and how to see the things that are really there that no one notices. He manifests his first magic circle at the age of nine; he exorcises his first spirit not much later, in a flailing manner alongside the cool young grandson of a priest who lives nearby. It is not a usual life, perhaps, but it is a happy one.
The first time he comes home flailing about "the beautiful Kunogi-san," his parents' eyes meet across the table. He's caught up in the bliss of young love and he doesn't notice, though if he had, he would likely have thought their glances are ones of amusement in their son's first crush.
They're not amused. There is something about her name that stirs their worry, and when you are people like them, you learn to trust such intuitions.
The next day when Kimihiro comes home, he recounts his day to his mother with a joyful focus on Kunogi. She smiles a little, but her smile is oddly brittle.
"You have a bad face today, Kimihiro," she says.
"What?" Her son falters.
"This Kunogi-san will not be your goddess of good luck, I think," she replies, lifting a hand to cup his cheek.
"Mother!" Kimihiro replies, knocking her hand away and storming out. "YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
She watches him go, shaking her head. When Clow comes in after work, she's sitting at the kitchen table staring into a bowl of water. He waits for her to be done before he starts dinner. She rescues her magic circle from the bowl and pours the water down the sink.
"I think we need to have Kunogi-san over for dinner sometime," she tells her husband, her voice light. He nods.
"I was thinking the same thing," he replies.
Yuuko nods and sighs. He lifts an eyebrow. She waves a hand in dismissal.
"I don't understand him, apparently," she says. Clow laughs.
"Isn't that what all teenagers say about their mothers?" He puts his apron on before beginning to cut the vegetables. She leans around him, kissing him on the cheek and stealing a slice of tomato while she's at it.
"No snacks before dinner," he says, attempting to be stern. She laughs and eats the slice before stealing another lingering kiss, this time on the mouth.
"Get a room," Kimihiro says irritably as he walks into the kitchen.
"We have one," Yuuko replies cheerfully, wrapping her arms around Clow and turning to look at her son. Clow blinks and stares at the boy.
"You have a bad face today, Kimihiro-kun. What have you been up to?"
"NOT YOU TOO." Kimihiro turns right back around and stomps away.
"You don't want to help with dinner?" Clow calls after him. He's met with angry silence.
"Perhaps on Saturday," Yuuko says, untangling herself from Clow. "You could make a cake, too!"
Clow turns back to his cooking. "Saturday sounds like a good idea."
*
It's late Saturday night when Clow and Yuuko finally get ready for bed. She sits at the vanity, turning on the light there against the dimness of the room. She removes her earrings and takes down her hair, saying nothing very loudly.
"Do you think I shouldn't have told him?" Clow says, removing his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"If you don't let a child make mistakes, how do they learn?" she answers, combing through her locks and meeting his eyes in the mirror.
"They learn!" Clow protests. Yuuko rolls her eyes.
"You babied Sakura and you baby Kimihiro," she accuses.
"Sakura needed--"
"She's a strong girl," she interrupts. "She takes care of the Cards like she's the one who made them, and she puts up with Yue without complaining."
"Yuuko, my dear, I'm hurt."
She finishes braiding her hair for bed without answering.
"I don't want to see them hurt," he says gently, putting on his pajamas and climbing into bed. Yuuko sighs, changing her own clothes, and then she joins him.
"I know," she replies. "I know."
"I can't forget that dream," he says after a moment's hesitation, wrapping his arms around her. She reaches over and turns on the bedside lamp, then shifts in his arms enough to meet his eyes.
"Neither can I," she replies, sighing. "I've been having it too."
*
The dreams became clearer as Kimihiro grew older. The glimpses Clow and Yuuko have both gotten ever since he was born only resolve into the full story after Kimihiro meets the girl he now calls Himawari-chan. Once, Yuuko wonders to herself if their clarity is part of Himawari's curse, if they would have remained mostly ignorant if she hadn't came into their lives with her awful luck. She says nothing about it. It may be true, but so is hitsuzen, and she believes in that and sometimes in her daughter's invincible spell.
(It is amusing how much Sakura takes after Clow and how much Kimihiro takes after her. She does not play favorites, but sometimes she just cannot understand their eternal optimism. She sees too many futures to ignore the bad possibilities in the world; she doesn't understand how Clow does it.)
They've been known as Clow Reed and Yuuko Ichihara for long enough that most people forget those aren't their real names. They are the names that they are married under, when Clow finally manages to talk her into it. They continue the tradition of protection with both Sakura and Kimihiro. All four members of their family have different last names.
They're careful because they're magicians, but at the same time, they will not hide that fact. Clow works as a consultant, Sakura tutors young mages, and Yuuko tells fortunes from their home. Kimihiro will grow up to be an exorcist, if the occasional but consistent appearances of the priest's grandson are anything to judge by.
They cannot help but be mages, but they can choose what they do with that power. That seems to be the largest difference between the Clow who is here, Yuuko's husband and Kimihiro and Sakura's father, and the Clow from that other world.
Then again, Clow thinks with a shudder, he hasn't had to deal with losing her. He's not sure that the same thing would happen in this world, if he did, but he's glad he hasn't had the opportunity to find out. And because he knows the consequence, now, has shared the other Clow's grief, he thinks that he would never take the same path, even accidentally.
Yuuko strokes Clow's cheek. "It was an accident, we both saw that," she says. She thinks it's silly, really, the way he takes responsibility for his other self, but she's unsurprised. Clow might baby their children, but he has never given himself a similar courtesy. He shoulders his own burdens, and the burdens of everyone he cares for as well. She's never been able to break him of the habit, and really, she's never tried, because it's a part of his personality. It causes him pain sometimes, but it also makes him who he is.
"A horrible accident," he says, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, lifting a hand to cup the back of her neck. He can't stop touching her. He feels like he will lose her if he lets go.
"Can we stop it?" Clow whispers, his breath warm on her face as he exhales.
She considers the question, shutting her eyes and not speaking for a long moment. He asks her because he trusts her opinion, because she may not be better at seeing the future than he is, but she is very, very good at sorting through the possibilities, finding the threads of fate.
"We can't," she says finally.
She leaves his embrace, finds her pipe on the side of the bed, and neither of them speak as the smell of her smoke fills the air. Clow inhales quietly. He's never been fond of her habit, but the smell of smoke is part of the smell of Yuuko, and she insists that she is careful. She smokes and does not care; he drinks and cares too much sometimes. It is something they did more often in their youth, before the children. It is difficult to bear the burden of knowledge, of power, when you attempt to bear it alone. Everyone has their coping strategies.
The smoke hovers heavily in the air. Finally, she opens the window.
"We may be able to do something," she says, leaning out, "but that... that can't be changed."
*
The next Monday Kimihiro comes home with Himawari sandwiched between himself and Doumeki Shizuka. Shizuka says little, but accepts the food that he is offered, and he watches everyone.
Kimihiro walks Himawari home, Shizuka accompanying him without being asked, and when he returns, he sits down at the table and glares at both of his parents as if daring them to comment.
"We haven't seen Doumeki-kun in a while," Clow says mildly, passing his son a dish. Kimihiro stabs at the food.
"You said he was good at stopping spirits," he says after a moment.
"He is," Yuuko replies, stealing food from under her son's fork. The corner of Clow's mouth twitches a little. It's not quite a smile. He knows that his wife does this on purpose, just to annoy Kimihiro. He hasn't quite figured out why Kimihiro doesn't realize that.
When his son is finished spazzing out, Yuuko laughs.
"WHAT?" Kimihiro snaps. She points at him with her fork.
"And here, I thought you disliked Doumeki-kun. That's what you're always saying," she says, pretending to be innocent.
"He's so annoying!" Kimihiro says, scowling. "And unappreciative! And he never talks! And--!"
"And he agreed to come over," Clow points out. Kimihiro is quiet for a moment.
"You two are tied together," Yuuko says, rising from her seat. Kimihiro sighs.
"I hate it when you say that," he grumbles under his breath.
"It's true~!" she trills, resting her plate on his head for a moment and taking it away when he begins to flail again.
She turns to place her dishes in the sink. Clow blinks and for a moment, sees his son with mismatched eyes. The golden one is Doumeki-kun's. But only half, he thinks, before blinking again, the vision gone.
*
In the end, he goes alone, in a dream. (Perhaps, he thinks uncomfortably, he does not have as much control over his magic as he thinks.) He arrives in a palace with heavy stone arches and windows that look out over the ceaseless desert. The other Clow has his back to him when he steps into his dream, and that makes it a little easier, at first.
King Clow turns and smiles. He bows. Clow bows back.
"I want to help you," Clow says after a moment's hesitation.
The king studies him for a long moment.
"You are the only one who can," he says. "I'm sorry to ask it of you."
Clow shakes his head. "Just tell me what you need."
"There are two boys called Syaoran," the king says. "And one called Watanuki. One should exist, the second has made himself a place, but the third... And I don't have enough magic for all of the things I need to do."
He rolls his eyes without any humor. It is ironic, perhaps, that the most powerful magician in the world does not have enough power to correct his mistake and accomplish all of his purposes.
"But it is a selfish thing that I want to do," the king says. He turns and looks again out at the ruins, his robes jingling with his movement.
"You don't want to be able to make that mistake again," Clow says, his own movement toward the other man silent with silk.
The king nods. And, of course, there is Sakura. Kinomoto Sakura, daughter of Kinomoto Fujitaka, in this desert country and in the world that the king came from. She isn't King Clow's daughter by blood, but he loves her just the same. And Clow saw his daughter born, those many years ago, and cannot resist helping her in this other universe. She will not exist, however, unless the king reincarnates.
It's a spell you can't work yourself, of necessity. And it's a costly spell, as well.
"Yuuko will bring them back to our universe," the king says. "When it is done."
He looks, for a moment, very old and very tired, even though his smile hasn't dropped very much the entire time. It is something that perhaps only Clow would notice in his other self's body language.
Yuuko would notice, he thinks suddenly, and he's thankful, then, that she didn't come. It would hurt the king too much, Clow thinks, to see her.
"She almost... she almost died once," he says, to fill the silence. "When Sakura was born."
"Almost," the king replies quietly. He lifts his hand and his robes jingle again, echoing in the dark and empty hallway.
*
Clow blinks, and wakes, blinking again against the sudden darkness. When he reaches out to stroke Yuuko's cheek, she wakens.
She takes his hand from her face and wipes the tears from his eyes and says, "You should have let us help."
Her tone is irritated and he feels a little guilty. He tells himself that it worked out better this way, without having to ask anything from of his family. It was his mistake-- a Clow's mistake, in any case-- and Clow had taken care of it.
"Yuuko..." he begins. She frowns, taking her hand away and turning over.
"No excuses," she replies.
In the morning, he makes her breakfast in bed, and sits down to explain the whole thing to Kimihiro. The boy lifts a hand to his eye.
"I'm not supposed to exist?"
His father reaches out and pokes him in the forehead. The boy glares.
"Don't be silly," he says, grinning. "What would your mother do without the two of us? What would I do without someone to deflect her wrath?"
"Thanks, Dad," Kimihiro replies, still scowling for a moment. Then he looks at his watch and gets up hurriedly.
"I'm supposed to meet Himawari-chan in five minutes!" he says, placing his dishes in the sink and glancing around for his bag.
"And Doumeki-kun?" Clow replies, stirring milk into his coffee. Kimihiro pauses.
"He might come too," he admits grudgingly, before finding his schoolbag and running out the door.
Clow smiles. He picks up the coffee and a refill for Yuuko's tea, and heads back upstairs. He is taking the next few days off work. Recovering from giving up a great portion of one's magic is a tiring process.
"Eriol and Fujitaka," he says, trying the names out. Then he pushes the door open, hands Yuuko her tea grandly, and waits for her to move over so he can sit down beside her. She smiles, just a little, and it's enough.
As difficult as it can be, he likes that in every universe, he's always in love with her.
********************
Author's Notes~
I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with this story; it feels a little unfinished, abrupt. I might write more of it in the future.
This story started as a happy AU in which Clow and Yuuko were married and had Watanuki as their son. Somewhere along the way, plot attacked me and Sakura showed up in need of parenting as well.
In this 'verse, there is no Eriol or Fujitaka. Sakura is Clow and Yuuko's daughter and Clow helped her to change the cards in a less-violent manner. Touya is an older, possessive cousin on the Reed side of the family who does stay with them for a while around that point in time. Syaoran is from a branch of the Li's who don't exactly keep in good contact with Clow and his little family; he didn't challenge Sakura for the cards when he found out she had them, but he did stick around long enough for love to blossom.
Yuuko and Clow have both lived a long time. Sakura was nearly full-grown when Watanuki was born, and sometimes Watanuki babysits her son, who is not as much of his father's twin as the TRC!Syaoran is.
I wrote this because we still don't know how Clow could have sacrificed his life and power for Cloney and still managed to reincarnate with his power to become Fujitaka and Eriol. This is me, filling canon holes with my blather. I don't find it likely, but I don't find it likely that we'll get a real explanation, either.
The Mokona will come later, after Watanuki leaves the nest. They might not be dimension-traveling versions, but it's hard for me to imagine Clow and Yuuko without their canon "babies."
I really thought that maybe Watanuki would come up with some way to fix Himawari's problem, besides sticking like glue to Doumeki, but Yuuko says in canon that she couldn't get rid of her luck without giving up her happiness, and Watanuki doesn't want that to happen in canon or in this AU. Eventually, the three of them get an apartment together and go to college. Watanuki never falls out of the window, and he never loses his eye, though he does have a few scrapes when Doumeki goes home between terms. Eventually Doumeki begins dragging Himawari and Watanuki home with him to solve the problem. It's not perfect, but life so rarely is.
The only reason Clow and Yuuko get along so well at this point is practice.♥ That, and the fact that Clow is quick to forgive and faster to bribe with food. Yuuko has gotten used to this, and is quite pleased with this arrangement.
Fandom: xxxHOLiC/Cardcaptor Sakura/Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle
Length: 2918 words
Prompt: contemporary AU for
cliche_bingoPairing: Clow/Yuuko
Other: CCS/TRC/xH crossover, spoilers for recent chapters, surprisingly G, mostly AU. The one in which Clow and Yuuko are married and Clow has been having interesting dreams.
Excerpt: Kimihiro, like Sakura, grows up learning three languages. His father teaches him to cook and sew; his mother teaches him how to choose the right kind of sake and how to see the things that are really there that no one notices. He manifests his first magic circle at the age of nine; he exorcises his first spirit not much later, in a flailing manner alongside the cool young grandson of a priest who lives nearby. It is not a usual life, perhaps, but it is a happy one.
Kimihiro is a fussy child and Clow is often dragged from his bed by determined wails at ridiculous hours of the night. He interrupts Clow's dreams with his piercing tones, even the prophetic ones.
Clow comes to consciousness falling out of the dream like he's falling out of bed, clutching the bedsheets, and Yuuko murmurs and turns over. He reaches over and brushes her shoulder, but she doesn't wake, and it isn't his intention to rouse her anyway.
She's warm, she's breathing, she's real. His hand on her shoulder reassures him of that.
He smiles and finds his glasses before rising to soothe his son. He rocks the little boy, half-wondering where all of Kimihiro's anger comes from (not from himself: his wife claims he is too calm, and not from her, either: her anger flares and fades swiftly, not like Kimihiro's constant fury).
"I made a wish," he says to the little boy, whose tantrum is beginning to slow, and he strokes the fine hair on the child's forehead. "In my dream, I made a wish."
The baby stares with bright blue eyes, and Clow stares back at him for a moment before sighing and looking away.
The problem with seeing the future is that sometimes one sees futures that aren't real in this universe, or even the next universe over. Sometimes you see pasts instead, or alternate endings to the same event. He isn't sure if these dreams he's been having recently are glimpses of another Clow, another Yuuko, another Kimihiro on their distant world, or just something that might have been here.
He's seen Kimihiro already as a teenager, pursued constantly by spirits no one else sees. He's seen Yuuko alone in a shop with children not her own, blue and pink and soulless, all of them lonely. He's seen the way this other Clow atones for his mistakes, a foster parent inhaling sand on a distant world.
Clow puts the baby back to bed. When he returns to his own bed, Yuuko curls up around him like a cat, seeking his warmth and making a soft purr of satisfaction when she finds it.
When he wakes in the morning, he doesn't remember any new dreams.
*
Kimihiro, like Sakura, grows up learning three languages. His father teaches him to cook and sew; his mother teaches him how to choose the right kind of sake and how to see the things that are really there that no one notices. He manifests his first magic circle at the age of nine; he exorcises his first spirit not much later, in a flailing manner alongside the cool young grandson of a priest who lives nearby. It is not a usual life, perhaps, but it is a happy one.
The first time he comes home flailing about "the beautiful Kunogi-san," his parents' eyes meet across the table. He's caught up in the bliss of young love and he doesn't notice, though if he had, he would likely have thought their glances are ones of amusement in their son's first crush.
They're not amused. There is something about her name that stirs their worry, and when you are people like them, you learn to trust such intuitions.
The next day when Kimihiro comes home, he recounts his day to his mother with a joyful focus on Kunogi. She smiles a little, but her smile is oddly brittle.
"You have a bad face today, Kimihiro," she says.
"What?" Her son falters.
"This Kunogi-san will not be your goddess of good luck, I think," she replies, lifting a hand to cup his cheek.
"Mother!" Kimihiro replies, knocking her hand away and storming out. "YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND!"
She watches him go, shaking her head. When Clow comes in after work, she's sitting at the kitchen table staring into a bowl of water. He waits for her to be done before he starts dinner. She rescues her magic circle from the bowl and pours the water down the sink.
"I think we need to have Kunogi-san over for dinner sometime," she tells her husband, her voice light. He nods.
"I was thinking the same thing," he replies.
Yuuko nods and sighs. He lifts an eyebrow. She waves a hand in dismissal.
"I don't understand him, apparently," she says. Clow laughs.
"Isn't that what all teenagers say about their mothers?" He puts his apron on before beginning to cut the vegetables. She leans around him, kissing him on the cheek and stealing a slice of tomato while she's at it.
"No snacks before dinner," he says, attempting to be stern. She laughs and eats the slice before stealing another lingering kiss, this time on the mouth.
"Get a room," Kimihiro says irritably as he walks into the kitchen.
"We have one," Yuuko replies cheerfully, wrapping her arms around Clow and turning to look at her son. Clow blinks and stares at the boy.
"You have a bad face today, Kimihiro-kun. What have you been up to?"
"NOT YOU TOO." Kimihiro turns right back around and stomps away.
"You don't want to help with dinner?" Clow calls after him. He's met with angry silence.
"Perhaps on Saturday," Yuuko says, untangling herself from Clow. "You could make a cake, too!"
Clow turns back to his cooking. "Saturday sounds like a good idea."
*
It's late Saturday night when Clow and Yuuko finally get ready for bed. She sits at the vanity, turning on the light there against the dimness of the room. She removes her earrings and takes down her hair, saying nothing very loudly.
"Do you think I shouldn't have told him?" Clow says, removing his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose.
"If you don't let a child make mistakes, how do they learn?" she answers, combing through her locks and meeting his eyes in the mirror.
"They learn!" Clow protests. Yuuko rolls her eyes.
"You babied Sakura and you baby Kimihiro," she accuses.
"Sakura needed--"
"She's a strong girl," she interrupts. "She takes care of the Cards like she's the one who made them, and she puts up with Yue without complaining."
"Yuuko, my dear, I'm hurt."
She finishes braiding her hair for bed without answering.
"I don't want to see them hurt," he says gently, putting on his pajamas and climbing into bed. Yuuko sighs, changing her own clothes, and then she joins him.
"I know," she replies. "I know."
"I can't forget that dream," he says after a moment's hesitation, wrapping his arms around her. She reaches over and turns on the bedside lamp, then shifts in his arms enough to meet his eyes.
"Neither can I," she replies, sighing. "I've been having it too."
*
The dreams became clearer as Kimihiro grew older. The glimpses Clow and Yuuko have both gotten ever since he was born only resolve into the full story after Kimihiro meets the girl he now calls Himawari-chan. Once, Yuuko wonders to herself if their clarity is part of Himawari's curse, if they would have remained mostly ignorant if she hadn't came into their lives with her awful luck. She says nothing about it. It may be true, but so is hitsuzen, and she believes in that and sometimes in her daughter's invincible spell.
(It is amusing how much Sakura takes after Clow and how much Kimihiro takes after her. She does not play favorites, but sometimes she just cannot understand their eternal optimism. She sees too many futures to ignore the bad possibilities in the world; she doesn't understand how Clow does it.)
They've been known as Clow Reed and Yuuko Ichihara for long enough that most people forget those aren't their real names. They are the names that they are married under, when Clow finally manages to talk her into it. They continue the tradition of protection with both Sakura and Kimihiro. All four members of their family have different last names.
They're careful because they're magicians, but at the same time, they will not hide that fact. Clow works as a consultant, Sakura tutors young mages, and Yuuko tells fortunes from their home. Kimihiro will grow up to be an exorcist, if the occasional but consistent appearances of the priest's grandson are anything to judge by.
They cannot help but be mages, but they can choose what they do with that power. That seems to be the largest difference between the Clow who is here, Yuuko's husband and Kimihiro and Sakura's father, and the Clow from that other world.
Then again, Clow thinks with a shudder, he hasn't had to deal with losing her. He's not sure that the same thing would happen in this world, if he did, but he's glad he hasn't had the opportunity to find out. And because he knows the consequence, now, has shared the other Clow's grief, he thinks that he would never take the same path, even accidentally.
Yuuko strokes Clow's cheek. "It was an accident, we both saw that," she says. She thinks it's silly, really, the way he takes responsibility for his other self, but she's unsurprised. Clow might baby their children, but he has never given himself a similar courtesy. He shoulders his own burdens, and the burdens of everyone he cares for as well. She's never been able to break him of the habit, and really, she's never tried, because it's a part of his personality. It causes him pain sometimes, but it also makes him who he is.
"A horrible accident," he says, leaning forward to press their foreheads together, lifting a hand to cup the back of her neck. He can't stop touching her. He feels like he will lose her if he lets go.
"Can we stop it?" Clow whispers, his breath warm on her face as he exhales.
She considers the question, shutting her eyes and not speaking for a long moment. He asks her because he trusts her opinion, because she may not be better at seeing the future than he is, but she is very, very good at sorting through the possibilities, finding the threads of fate.
"We can't," she says finally.
She leaves his embrace, finds her pipe on the side of the bed, and neither of them speak as the smell of her smoke fills the air. Clow inhales quietly. He's never been fond of her habit, but the smell of smoke is part of the smell of Yuuko, and she insists that she is careful. She smokes and does not care; he drinks and cares too much sometimes. It is something they did more often in their youth, before the children. It is difficult to bear the burden of knowledge, of power, when you attempt to bear it alone. Everyone has their coping strategies.
The smoke hovers heavily in the air. Finally, she opens the window.
"We may be able to do something," she says, leaning out, "but that... that can't be changed."
*
The next Monday Kimihiro comes home with Himawari sandwiched between himself and Doumeki Shizuka. Shizuka says little, but accepts the food that he is offered, and he watches everyone.
Kimihiro walks Himawari home, Shizuka accompanying him without being asked, and when he returns, he sits down at the table and glares at both of his parents as if daring them to comment.
"We haven't seen Doumeki-kun in a while," Clow says mildly, passing his son a dish. Kimihiro stabs at the food.
"You said he was good at stopping spirits," he says after a moment.
"He is," Yuuko replies, stealing food from under her son's fork. The corner of Clow's mouth twitches a little. It's not quite a smile. He knows that his wife does this on purpose, just to annoy Kimihiro. He hasn't quite figured out why Kimihiro doesn't realize that.
When his son is finished spazzing out, Yuuko laughs.
"WHAT?" Kimihiro snaps. She points at him with her fork.
"And here, I thought you disliked Doumeki-kun. That's what you're always saying," she says, pretending to be innocent.
"He's so annoying!" Kimihiro says, scowling. "And unappreciative! And he never talks! And--!"
"And he agreed to come over," Clow points out. Kimihiro is quiet for a moment.
"You two are tied together," Yuuko says, rising from her seat. Kimihiro sighs.
"I hate it when you say that," he grumbles under his breath.
"It's true~!" she trills, resting her plate on his head for a moment and taking it away when he begins to flail again.
She turns to place her dishes in the sink. Clow blinks and for a moment, sees his son with mismatched eyes. The golden one is Doumeki-kun's. But only half, he thinks, before blinking again, the vision gone.
*
In the end, he goes alone, in a dream. (Perhaps, he thinks uncomfortably, he does not have as much control over his magic as he thinks.) He arrives in a palace with heavy stone arches and windows that look out over the ceaseless desert. The other Clow has his back to him when he steps into his dream, and that makes it a little easier, at first.
King Clow turns and smiles. He bows. Clow bows back.
"I want to help you," Clow says after a moment's hesitation.
The king studies him for a long moment.
"You are the only one who can," he says. "I'm sorry to ask it of you."
Clow shakes his head. "Just tell me what you need."
"There are two boys called Syaoran," the king says. "And one called Watanuki. One should exist, the second has made himself a place, but the third... And I don't have enough magic for all of the things I need to do."
He rolls his eyes without any humor. It is ironic, perhaps, that the most powerful magician in the world does not have enough power to correct his mistake and accomplish all of his purposes.
"But it is a selfish thing that I want to do," the king says. He turns and looks again out at the ruins, his robes jingling with his movement.
"You don't want to be able to make that mistake again," Clow says, his own movement toward the other man silent with silk.
The king nods. And, of course, there is Sakura. Kinomoto Sakura, daughter of Kinomoto Fujitaka, in this desert country and in the world that the king came from. She isn't King Clow's daughter by blood, but he loves her just the same. And Clow saw his daughter born, those many years ago, and cannot resist helping her in this other universe. She will not exist, however, unless the king reincarnates.
It's a spell you can't work yourself, of necessity. And it's a costly spell, as well.
"Yuuko will bring them back to our universe," the king says. "When it is done."
He looks, for a moment, very old and very tired, even though his smile hasn't dropped very much the entire time. It is something that perhaps only Clow would notice in his other self's body language.
Yuuko would notice, he thinks suddenly, and he's thankful, then, that she didn't come. It would hurt the king too much, Clow thinks, to see her.
"She almost... she almost died once," he says, to fill the silence. "When Sakura was born."
"Almost," the king replies quietly. He lifts his hand and his robes jingle again, echoing in the dark and empty hallway.
*
Clow blinks, and wakes, blinking again against the sudden darkness. When he reaches out to stroke Yuuko's cheek, she wakens.
She takes his hand from her face and wipes the tears from his eyes and says, "You should have let us help."
Her tone is irritated and he feels a little guilty. He tells himself that it worked out better this way, without having to ask anything from of his family. It was his mistake-- a Clow's mistake, in any case-- and Clow had taken care of it.
"Yuuko..." he begins. She frowns, taking her hand away and turning over.
"No excuses," she replies.
In the morning, he makes her breakfast in bed, and sits down to explain the whole thing to Kimihiro. The boy lifts a hand to his eye.
"I'm not supposed to exist?"
His father reaches out and pokes him in the forehead. The boy glares.
"Don't be silly," he says, grinning. "What would your mother do without the two of us? What would I do without someone to deflect her wrath?"
"Thanks, Dad," Kimihiro replies, still scowling for a moment. Then he looks at his watch and gets up hurriedly.
"I'm supposed to meet Himawari-chan in five minutes!" he says, placing his dishes in the sink and glancing around for his bag.
"And Doumeki-kun?" Clow replies, stirring milk into his coffee. Kimihiro pauses.
"He might come too," he admits grudgingly, before finding his schoolbag and running out the door.
Clow smiles. He picks up the coffee and a refill for Yuuko's tea, and heads back upstairs. He is taking the next few days off work. Recovering from giving up a great portion of one's magic is a tiring process.
"Eriol and Fujitaka," he says, trying the names out. Then he pushes the door open, hands Yuuko her tea grandly, and waits for her to move over so he can sit down beside her. She smiles, just a little, and it's enough.
As difficult as it can be, he likes that in every universe, he's always in love with her.
********************
Author's Notes~
I'm not entirely sure I'm happy with this story; it feels a little unfinished, abrupt. I might write more of it in the future.
This story started as a happy AU in which Clow and Yuuko were married and had Watanuki as their son. Somewhere along the way, plot attacked me and Sakura showed up in need of parenting as well.
In this 'verse, there is no Eriol or Fujitaka. Sakura is Clow and Yuuko's daughter and Clow helped her to change the cards in a less-violent manner. Touya is an older, possessive cousin on the Reed side of the family who does stay with them for a while around that point in time. Syaoran is from a branch of the Li's who don't exactly keep in good contact with Clow and his little family; he didn't challenge Sakura for the cards when he found out she had them, but he did stick around long enough for love to blossom.
Yuuko and Clow have both lived a long time. Sakura was nearly full-grown when Watanuki was born, and sometimes Watanuki babysits her son, who is not as much of his father's twin as the TRC!Syaoran is.
I wrote this because we still don't know how Clow could have sacrificed his life and power for Cloney and still managed to reincarnate with his power to become Fujitaka and Eriol. This is me, filling canon holes with my blather. I don't find it likely, but I don't find it likely that we'll get a real explanation, either.
The Mokona will come later, after Watanuki leaves the nest. They might not be dimension-traveling versions, but it's hard for me to imagine Clow and Yuuko without their canon "babies."
I really thought that maybe Watanuki would come up with some way to fix Himawari's problem, besides sticking like glue to Doumeki, but Yuuko says in canon that she couldn't get rid of her luck without giving up her happiness, and Watanuki doesn't want that to happen in canon or in this AU. Eventually, the three of them get an apartment together and go to college. Watanuki never falls out of the window, and he never loses his eye, though he does have a few scrapes when Doumeki goes home between terms. Eventually Doumeki begins dragging Himawari and Watanuki home with him to solve the problem. It's not perfect, but life so rarely is.
The only reason Clow and Yuuko get along so well at this point is practice.♥ That, and the fact that Clow is quick to forgive and faster to bribe with food. Yuuko has gotten used to this, and is quite pleased with this arrangement.