Tell Me (Trigun, Milly/Meryl)

[storypaint]

Title: Tell Me
Words: 3261
Author/Artist: rhap_chan
Fandom: Trigun
Pairing: Meryl/Milly, mixed with Meryl/Vash
Rating: G
Warnings: het
Request: yuri_challenge: Milly/Meryl - believe - "please tell me something I already know"
Disclaimer: Trigun is not my property and is the original creation of Watsuki Nightow. All fanfiction archived here is a derivative of canon material that is not my property. I do not profit from these writings. The opinions and actions expressed in these stories are not necessarily the views and beliefs of the original author or me.

Author's Note: There are two important things to note in this fic: the anime canon Meryl/Vash is a pretty important part of the plot, and also that it is my belief, judging by certain episodes, that Milly and Wolfwood had some sort of physical relationship. Regardless, there is definitely yuri.

Excerpt: It is pitch black in their bedroom and Meryl's hand is resting gently on Milly's pregnant belly. She is smelling Milly's hair, the fragrance of her last bath. Milly smells like something sweet and gentle. Meryl uses the same shampoo, but still manages to smell sharp, hard, like the edge of sweat. Milly doesn't tell her partner that.

It is pitch black in their bedroom and Meryl's hand is resting gently on Milly's pregnant belly. She is smelling Milly's hair, the fragrance of her last bath. Milly smells like something sweet and gentle. Meryl uses the same shampoo, but still manages to smell sharp, hard, like the edge of sweat. Milly doesn't tell her partner that.

Meryl's hand is on Milly's belly, pressed lightly against the skin, and her skinny thighs are pressed against the back of Milly's legs, and Milly will be absolutely, completely content--

--If only she knows Meryl is, too. She knows Meryl isn't content, and will never be, no matter how many times Milly touches her gently and brushes the hair out of determined eyes. Meryl might be consenting now, but in a moment...

"Tell me something," Meryl says sleepily to Milly, her breath moving softly on Milly's neck.

"He's coming back. Perhaps tomorrow," Milly mutters back, believing it as much as Meryl does, in that moment, but in this case, hope is a cruel mistress and the thought makes Milly sad.

For Meryl might be with her now, but Meryl will never be content until Vash is with them again, and Milly's quiet, kind belief will prove her lonely.

The dejected pair drop off to sleep and wait for another dawn.

*

A flash of red cloth against pale sand. He stumbles on as always at a pace quicker than most humans would walk. The sand shifts in the wind and he holds up a hand to protect his eyes and takes a look at the desert around him.

There is a golden sky because of his sunglasses. In the distance he sees the smallest speck of a building rising defiantly against the dunes. There. That's where he's headed.

He walks on at that more-than-human pace that is a slow amble to him, musing on life. For months now he's lived out here with his brother. For months he's nursed the man back to health and tried to teach him the correct philosophy.

It hasn't been working well. In fact, earlier that same day he found himself pointing his gun at Knives' forehead, actually for a moment relishing his brother's fear. Knives had healed after their battle, of course at a super-human pace, but one of Vash's bullets had struck him on the leg at the same place as his former injury and now he's slow and weak on his feet. It doesn't distract him from his goal; he delegated much of his killing before anyway and he knows that he can confidently destroy mankind--it will just take a little longer.

His attitude that morning drove Vash over the edge. And when he came back to himself with his finger on the trigger and Knives' harsh breathing in his ears, he knew he had to take a break.

And so he walks. He knows that if he leaves Knives alone for too long the man will escape into the desert, and probably die there from lack of water or heatstroke. Despite everything Vash still wants his brother to live. He won't stay long in civilization, but he's really been missing the insurance girls and donuts.

He smiles a little as he thinks of the girls; so determined to follow him, so loving, so innocent. Milly, with her sweet, soft voice and easy-going manner, and Meryl, who stresses too much and hides the fact that she has feelings for anyone.

He thinks Meryl likes him, maybe even loves him, and it scares him a little, because as always he is constantly aware that he isn't human, that he has too much power and it's hard to control. He would be afraid to hurt her.

She cried when he left. He turned just for a last look and saw the tears glinting in her eyes. He hated to see her cry. It's part of the reason he's coming back.

Maybe he feels something for her too. But he sighs to himself and says aloud, "One day at a time." One day at a time, one challenge at a time. When Knives is rehabilitated and he can atone for the man that he killed (small flash of memory--golden eyes growing dim), then maybe he and Meryl can have a happy life together.

"Why does everything always happen to me?" he asks--not sure who he's speaking to: himself, or God. He's not quite sure there is a God, but he thinks that Wolfwood is probably right on that one. There has to be a reason for happiness in this world.

Thinking of Nicholas sends another pang through his chest. He slows and finally stops. Gently he sets the cross on the ground and pats it once. Milly said once that it was heavy because it was full of mercy. It helped him be merciful to Knives. He thanks God for that.

He needs to rest for a moment, so he kneels down a second. He looks up at the cross, the belt buckles gleaming in the light of the twin suns, and he says a quick prayer, for Knives and Wolfwood and the insurance girls and his own sanity.

When he's done he gets up again, slings the gun onto his back, and continues to walk.

*

Meryl awakens slowly and rises from a bed still warm from Milly's body. She tries her best to ignore the fact, to deny the loneliness that she tried to relieve with a sleeping arrangement she never intended to be more than that. She was lonely, is lonely, and Milly likes to share her bed and watch her face when Milly slides her hands over Meryl's body and--

Meryl stops her racing thoughts right there and instead shifts her attention to the window, but she does not go to it and gaze out. That would be dashing her hopes too soon. She washes, dresses, but finally relinquishes to the pull. She throws open the shutters and lets the sunlight flow in, blinking a little until her eyes adjust.

As always. Unforgiving concrete blue sky above twisting sands. There, in the distance--

Something red, the gleam of light against metal. She doesn't let her hopes rise. She has no hope now, it's all been dashed against the pavement day after day. It's not him. It's a bus. It always has been, these past months.

"How long has it been?" Meryl asked Milly yesterday. She didn't have to add, "since Vash has been gone," Milly knew what she meant. She has been counting every day. It has been eight months since Vash left them to confront his brother, eight months since Meryl first crawled into her bed, cloaked with worry. How could Milly resist comforting her? Meryl would drive herself up a wall otherwise.

Meryl expressed surprise, tinged with sadness, but Milly smiled. "What a surprise he'll get when he comes back!"

Milly means the baby. She's expecting Nicholas's child, eight and a half months now, due soon. It's a boy. She wants to call him Joshua-- Joshua Nicholas Wolfwood- Thompson.

They wait for Vash to come back, occupying their time in different ways. Meryl types reports and writes poetry that she tears up afterwards, Milly knits things and prepares for the baby. Sometimes they come together with gasps and kisses and Meryl manages to put away her loss and shame for a while, but they do this privately. From the outside they almost seem content.

But Meryl is always on the edge. It's not hope that keeps her going day after day, it's knowing that, whatever the challenge, Vash always manages to overcome it. He'll come back. She knows he will.

It's the waiting that's hard.

"Meryl, breakfast!" Milly calls up the stairs. Meryl feels a little concerned-- Milly shouldn't be trying to putter around in their small kitchen when she's that size, she'll hurt herself.

"Coming!" she calls, and takes one last look at the horizon. The red-and-metal thing is still there. Could it be--?

Her head says no but her heart says yes. Meryl goes downstairs for breakfast.

*

"Is it him?"

"Could it be?"

"No way!"

That hasn't changed a bit--the whispers and gossip of the townspeople as he walks down the main street.

"Look how beat-up his coat is!"

"How long has it been?"

But no one approaches him. The only people who'd do that are at home waiting for him. The thought makes him warm inside-- he could just see it now. Milly dropping whatever she was holding to give him a hug strong enough to crack bones, Meryl flying down the stairs into his arms. And she'd be crying and Milly would too, and she'd say, "Would you like some donuts, Mr. Vash?" and hold out the box as always.

There, this is where they were staying before. He steps into the hotel and is informed by a quivering trainee receptionist that the Bernardelli Insurance Company representatives have moved quarters to an apartment at the end of the street. In fact, he'd passed it on the way in.

So he troops back over and knocks. Milly answers the door and squeals loudly, enveloping him in one of her powerful hugs. She has a hard time getting her arms around him all the way and he wonders if she's gained some weight, but when she lets him go she places her hands on her stomach maternally.

"I'm having a baby!" she says happily. He shakes her hand and wonders who the father is, until she leans up and pats Wolfwood's gun where it's fastened on his back.

"Full of mercy," she whispers to her stomach. "Your daddy was full of mercy."

For a moment her eyes glitter with tears but she wipes them away. She has lost Wolfwood and now she is losing Meryl to Vash, but they will be happy, Milly is sure. She will be happy for them.

Meryl comes down the stairs to see what all the commotion is and time slows as he looks at her. She seems to have aged so much in his absence. Her back slumps and her eyes are ringed with dark circles.

But in the instant she sees him she straightens and her eyes glow and she rushes down the stairs so quickly that she trips, but he catches her.

There is an awkward moment when their noses are almost touching. She's blushing and he wants to kiss her, so happy to see her friendly face, but he just grins instead and sets her down. She'd slap him if he kissed her, whether she liked it or not, it's the way she is. And it wouldn't hurt but he'd look like his old foolish self and he doesn't let himself be foolish very often anymore.

She slaps him anyway and he exaggerates the pain by falling over. "Where have you been!" she declares without real animosity. I've missed you so much is what she means.

"Did you take care of your brother?" Milly asks. He's almost forgotten she was there. Wow is her stomach big-- baby must be due soon.

Almost as if she's reading his mind, she is startled with pain. She sinks into a chair and Meryl is at her side immediately.

Milly's face stretches in a pained expression and water starts to trickle down her legs. "Breathe deeply!" Meryl counsels. "Get the doctor!" she says to Vash. "Hurry!"

He does, and then is shooed out of the house for being male. Not long after Meryl is removed for stressing over Milly giving birth more than Milly herself is. They sit together on a bench beneath the fountain in the town square in silence.

She worries too much, he thinks and smiles at her. She catches his look.

"What's so funny?" she asks defensively. He just smiles again. It feels good to be able to smile honestly again, a "true smile," as Nicholas would have said. He does not smile with Knives much.

"You," he says and taps her on the nose gently. For a moment she almost smiles herself, to feel his warm leather gloves on her skin again. She wonders why he doesn't bare his hand more often, the good one. But she reacts outwardly as expected, by swatting his hand away and protesting.

"You're too tense," he complains, but not in a bad tone. "Live life!"

"Just because I don't go out and get drunk all the time like some people I know..." Meryl says, falling back into a familiar pattern and only sparing a sharp moment of guilt that she is flirting with Vash the Stampede, rather than holding Milly's hand as Milly has held hers on cold nights.

"Oh, but I'm just having fun..." he starts, and stops suddenly, because out of nowhere she is crying. She presses her face into his neck and he strokes her hair with one hand. It is feathery-soft and makes him think of a baby bird.

"I was so worried," she says, slightly muffled. "I thought you were dead. Why were you gone so long?"

He sighs and tries to figure out how to explain. Finally he decides on something to the point.

"Knives isn't dead."

She bucks up and stares into his eyes, trying to see if he's serious. She knows all the damage that Vash's twin has done, and she knows how violent Vash can act when upset. Both she and Milly have assumed that he would kill his brother, and spend some time dealing with it.

"He's not dead?!"

"It's okay, it's okay..." he soothes, still stroking her hair. "I'm teaching him."

"But--"

Fear shows clearly in Meryl's eyes and he is reminded why he doesn't want to be close to people. Things always happen to him and those around him, after all. She doesn't deserve that.

But she needs to understand about Knives, about how he isn't dangerous anymore.

Flash memory of early this morning--Knives' fearful but smug look, whisper in his mind-- go ahead, kill me--and Vash knows that Knives is still dangerous. He could send Vash over the edge. Even without his gun Knives could hurt people.

But before he can find words to explain this a squalling noise splits the air. Meryl relaxes in relief. She grins broadly.

"I'm an aunt!" she declares happily, stepping back even further from worried dreams of "Mama Milly" and "Mama Meryl."

She grabs his hand and drags him along with her back to the apartment. He smiles as well and lets her pull him, though he could move much faster by himself.

When they burst in, the doctor is just leaving. He tips his hat to them.

"Miss Meryl, Mr. Vash... They're doing fine."

The doctor edges carefully around Vash, recalling how many people he's treated that messed with the sixty-billion double-dollar man.

Before Vash can feel depressed by the man's lack of trust-- he'd never hurt a doctor, no reason to do that-- after all, they'd patched him up often enough over the years-- Meryl pulls him in with her to see the new mother.

Milly looks up and gives the pair a bright smile. She is holding her little boy in the crook of her arm. He is obviously going to be big-boned like his mother, probably weighing ten pounds at his birth. The little bit of hair he has is a dark gray, almost black shade, and his eyes are clear and blue. He almost seems to be able to focus on them.

Milly looks hot and tired, but otherwise all right. She says to the baby, "Look! It's Aunt Meryl and Uncle Vash!"

Meryl is a little startled at her words, at her distance, but she sees something in Milly's eyes. The woman is sharp, sharper than most people realize, and even in her tired haze, she has noticed the death-grip Meryl has on Vash's hand. Meryl wants to thank her in that moment, but she knows this isn't the time. Milly would pretend not to understand.

Vash sweatdrops a little in surprise, touched by her trust. Meryl blushes a little. To cover her surprise she bends down and waves at the little one. He gurgles happily.

Vash smiles. Leaning down too, he holds out a gloved hand and the baby grasps his finger. There is trust in those youthful eyes. It's almost as if Nicholas himself is saying to the babe that Vash is all right.

Vash gently frees himself and turns away, struck with emotion. He lets the tears cascade down his cheeks. Milly is giving him a confused look, he sees out of the corner of his eye, but Meryl seems to understand. She walks up behind him, hesitating for a moment, then reaches up and pats him on the shoulder. He turns as she does, and grabs her little hand. For a moment she is afraid of the intensity of his eyes but he only pulls her closer to him, into a hug. She smells his scent on his coat and holds him close to her in comfort.

His teardrops fall into her hair. Human or not, he could cry. And he could love.

Comforted by that thought, he releases Meryl from his grasp, still loosely holding her hand in his.

"Congratulations," he says to Milly warmly, and then he walks out.

*

With a heavy step he starts down the street. He knows his mission: to teach Knives what he knows now, how to love. This is his mission.

He hates so much to leave the insurance girls again that it is an almost physical pain in his chest. He puts his hand to his heart for a moment, pausing, but then walks on.

At the edge of town he stops again. Meryl has followed him. He turns with question in his eyes.

"Knives..." he says.

"Bring him here," she says, eyes vulnerable. She'd say anything to keep him from leaving again, he realizes. She loves him too much. Knives here in a town with all these "spiders" as he called humans could prove quite dangerous to any and all involved.

"I can't."

"Please... there's room for both."

She walks toward him a little, holding out a hand. Don't leave me again, she screams inside. Don't leave me alone!

"The baby..." Vash says helplessly

The thought puts Meryl back a step. But she has that keep-going attitude, the one that's not pure optimism or pessimism, the one that says if I keep going then things will change. So she just smiles and says, "I'll fix everything, don't worry."

"You can't," Vash says softly, walking out into the sand, and though Meryl chases him for a little while, she can't keep up and a small instinct of self-preservation turns her back to the town.

And this time Meryl doesn't know that he'll be back.

*

Milly and Meryl don't sleep much any more, now that the baby has come. Their days are occupied with Joshua and the needs of a newborn. When they do sleep, it is in a heap on their bed, Meryl's head on Milly's stomach or back-to-back, brushing spines. And when they sleep, it is a heavy sleep, and Milly will be content, if only Meryl is. She is starting to think that maybe Meryl could be, in time.

"Tell me something," Meryl mutters suddenly in the dark. Milly smiles and disregards the tears beginning to slide down her face.

"He'll be back," Milly promises, and Meryl sighs and falls deeper into sleep.