Cameron's Pity Date #42 (Cameron/Bilious)

[storypaint]

Comm: 50fantastic
Words: 607
Title: Cameron's Pity Date #42
Prompt: #20: another House/?? crossover and #21: Cameron or Cuddy start dating a DW character
Written for: shezan and uarazy2
Genre: humor, gen
Rating/Warnings: Rated G. If you haven't read Hogfather from the Discworld series, you're not going to get it.
Disclaimer: House belongs to Fox and Discworld belongs to Terry Pratchett.

Excerpt: "He's a perfectly normal man!" Cameron protested, and Chase snorted.
"The 'Oh God of Hangovers?' Yeah, he sounds perfectly normal, just some guy we'd find on the street..."

"What a weirdo!"

Chase's absolute incredulousness peaked House's interest as he came into diagnostics. He glanced from Chase to Cameron, who appeared to be the object of Chase's statement, and her look of worried horror confirmed it. Foreman was apparently attempting to ignore them both, his gaze buried in old case notes.

Well, he hadn't had anything to torment her with... ahem, to sharpen her wits with for a while, so he asked.

"Weirdo you, or weirdo you're dating? I'd guess dating, because your little projects are always odd."

"He's a perfectly normal man!" Cameron protested, and Chase snorted.

"The 'Oh God of Hangovers?' Yeah, he sounds perfectly normal, just some guy we'd find on the street..."

House lifted an eyebrow. This was pretty bad, even for Cameron. A little more prying and he'd have enough snark for months.

"I think he was joking!" Cameron said, glaring at Chase and then looking up at House, daring him to comment. The last dare House had opted out of was Wilson's playful dare to skip one of Cuddy's stupid fundraisers, and that had ended with him wearing a terribly ugly tie (he'd had to borrow one of Wilson's). So House didn't hesitate.

"You're dating the God of Hangovers? Do you even drink?"

"He was kidding. He's just some guy... a policeman brought him in last week, he collapsed in the park... And his name is Bilious-- very classic, very Greek, you know-- and he has some sort of amnesia, he doesn't remember where he's from..."

"What an appropriate name for the God of Hangovers."

"Well, actually, he told me that was his old job, now he's temping for the other gods who want the day off," Cameron said, and then cringed. It had sounded so reasonable when Bilious had said it...

"Gods. Hangovers. Hmm." House appeared to consider. "You're dating a fundamentalist with a drinking problem. Wow, that's almost as bad as a hard-hearted doctor with a cane and intimacy issues. Congratulations."

Cameron mumbled something.

"Hmm?"

"Not all the guys I date are 'projects,' as you so eloquently put it, House. Some are just normal guys."

"Name one," House challenged, lifting his eyebrows. Cameron looked put upon as she quickly scanned her memories. Luckily for her, Cuddy interrupted to throw a case on the table.

House picked it up and flipped through. "Another disgustingly cute child with unexplained seizures? Why don't you give us a challenge, Cuddy?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Solve the case, House. And try not to alienate her parents this time."

"Oh, I don't know why I would ever do that..." House said innocently. Cuddy left. House walked over to the white board and started adding symptoms. Inwardly, Cameron sighed with relief (she hadn't been able to come up with a name).

They went through a differential diagnosis like usual and House assigned the fellows to run some tests. But Cameron wasn't home free. She was the last to rise to leave, gathering the pages of the case together. House sat down in his chair and began to spin his cane around aimlessly.

"Ask your Bilious if he knows any good cures," he called as Cameron strode to the door. She paused in the doorway and glared.

"What? I was just curious. Seems to me like the God of Hangovers should be well versed in that area."

"He has everyone else's hangovers," Cameron said. "He doesn't drink at all himself."

"How ironic," House said. "Enjoy your date."

He seemed serious, almost, but when House and Wilson showed up at the restaurant they visited Saturday night and colliliqually pressed a beer into Bilious's hand, she wasn't surprised.